Roots

有时候‘思念’ 痴缠着… 我茫然的对Steve说，“我们可不可以住美国半年马来西亞半年…”

我们到TLing夫婦的淨心中心靜坐班，我们一共有六人，靜坐后是討論的时间，有人從靜坐談到一点自己的生活。TLing说虽然她廿多歲时從台湾来美国已住了25年多，但有时还是会有…这里不是她的‘家’的感覺，在外有一點压力感，所以会自然較傾向與华人社交圈子，回到家都盡量與孩子讲华语，给自己回一些舒服的根生习慣。她的一段话同理到我的感受，对我做调适住在这里的現时期… 我很难形容心里隱藏的无形的压力感… 我想她住了这么多年，还是没擺脫生長自己的国家环境的情怀，这种内在的感受也只有同样身在異国的人才会明白的！

写到此，这也让我想起已过世的父母，（约在二戰期间）他们都是很年輕就從中国去马来西亞，從一無所有到能夠养活一家人，他们也会有缅怀‘家鄉’ 的时侯吧！

根留在何處？

(Photo taken in Penang)

Sometimes, I miss Penang… I felt ignorant and said to Steve, “May we stay in the US half year and Malaysia half year…”

We went to meditation class at TLing’s Pure Mind Center; six of us attended. We had a discussion after meditation and someone talked about a little bit of their own issues. TLing said even though she came here from Taiwan quite a long time ago, over 25 years ago when she was in her 20’s, sometimes she still feels that…here is not like ‘home’. She feels a little pressure with westerners; she enjoys being in a group more if they are Asians, and she speaks Chinese with her kids at home. So it seems like an original habit will be most comfortable. Her words kind of reflected my feeling. As I adjust to living here…I can’t describe the sense of my invisible pressure inside…. Seems she still hasn’t lost the relationship with her former home country, even though she has already lived here a long time. I think only those who came from another country might understand this kind of feeling in their heart!

While writing about this, I recalled my late parents, who came to Malaysia from China when they were young (I think it was during World War II). Starting from nothing, until they had a family, perhaps sometimes they might have been thinking of ‘hometown’ too!

Where do the roots stay?