Relaxed people

July 4 is the USA’s Independence Day. A lot of places have their individual celebrations with big or small events. Our area, Florissant Valley, also has a small celebration with a band and fireworks. We knew that the band would start at 7.30pm, with the fireworks after that, so at 7.25pm we walked from our house to there, about 25 minutes. We saw many people already sitting in their own chairs around the field, not all of them crowded in front the band. They were just waiting to see the fireworks; I think they are very relaxed. We did not know the time for the fireworks, and I felt a little impatient even though I was relaxed. We all waited until 9.30pm. I was thinking I wouldn’t have wasted time waiting there if I had known it started so late. And I was also thinking those relaxed people wouldn’t have thought the same as me.

Ah…the fireworks were laughing loudly at me…
7月4日是美国国庆日，各地区各有大小的庆祝。我们住的Florissant小村也有小庆祝，歌乐队及燃放烟花。歌乐队是7.30pm开始，烟花在最后。我们在7.25pm从家走到这小村中心约25分钟，我们看到已有很多人带着自己的椅子坐在广场，有些还有食物，就像picnic一样，真不懂他们是几点已来到这，也不是全都聚在歌乐队前，纯粹就是只等看烟花，我想他们都是悠闲的人吧。我们不知几点才燃放烟花，结果我这悠闲的人有点不耐烦的和大家一起等到9.30pm。我的心想，若知道是这么晚，何必浪费时间在那儿等。我也心想那些悠闲的人肯定跟我的想法不一样。
呀…烟花在大声轰笑着我…

Unconditional love

I am always wondering if there is really unconditional love between husband and wife - not having any expectations of each other?

I have tried several times to advise him to reduce soda, chocolate, cookies, and those fatty foods. Sometimes he replies, “I know.” Nevertheless, he still has those foods. I just felt very frustrated. Wasn’t it that I expected him to listen to me? Why do I have this expectation? Is it because I love him? Why do I want him to listen to me and to change? Is it because I am afraid for his health and I don’t want to face any worries, stress or other things? Ah, in fact, this is selfish love. Frankly, I love myself more than I love him!
One day I was sick and I felt very weak, Steve said he wanted to wash the dishes. I was so appreciative of him. That’s why I didn’t ask him to do it, but he spontaneously did it. We were both very pleased. The next day, I saw a little dirt on the stove when I was cooking something. I did a little blaming, “You didn’t clean the stove when you washed the dishes?” He responded yeah he forgot to do that. Immediately, I realized my expectation came up – I expected him to clean the stove!

Recalling the days since we got married over two years ago, did Steve have any expectations of me? I can’t find any one? He loves me with his unconditional love. I felt very ashamed, I need to learn!

Just be yourself

I cut my hair, which went several inches past my shoulder, very short. I felt I was not ready to change my hair to such a short style so suddenly, and I regretted that I asked my friend to cut it and got such short hair. However, I was okay after a few days. But somehow I looked funny when I woke up with ‘standing’ short hairs, they didn’t obey even when I pressed them down.
My friend asked me, “Your husband liked that you cut your hair short?” I replied, “He doesn’t care whether I want or don’t want to cut my hair.” I know what she means – men like ladies with long hair! For me, I don’t think I need it – to have long hair because of my husband.
Nevertheless, I would like to find out whether it is true that men like ladies with long hair, so I asked Steve, “Do you prefer me with long hair or short hair?” He said, “You look beautiful with long hair; you also look pretty with short hair.” This is a smart guy’s answer. I wasn’t very happy with it and I asked again, “Don’t men like ladies with long hair?” He said, “There are many men who like ladies with long hair, but many like ladies with short hair too.”
The answer sounds like it is not an answer. Sighs… ladies, just be yourself!

Family communication models

A conversation between a mother, who has three kids in college, and me who doesn’t have any kids:
“SY has three kids also, but her kids are so great. My kids are not that great compared with them… They don’t want to tell me their business at all.”, she said.
“If you want your kids to talk about their business with you, you should be like a friend and share your business with them.”, I said.
“My husband always doesn’t want me to tell adult’s business to the kids. He was never in contact much with his parents & family, unless there was a very serious medical issue with his mother. Then only his brother called to tell him. My father was also the same. I am closer with my mother and we can chat.”
“Normally we would transfer our communication model from our primary family to our new family, and continue to have those old models. Your kids might also transfer those models to their new family in the future. So, if you don’t want it to continue, you should start to change yourself. The family is the biggest influence on kids while they are growing. Like some growing up in a family with abuse might not be aware, and abuse their new family members in the future too.”
I grew up in a family with a serious type father and a complaining type mother. My late-father never had fun with us, and my late-mother complained about her husband (my father). We are their seven kids who grew up in this family. Of course, not all of us transfer the old models to new families. However, I realized my third brother is obviously the same as my late-father. Maybe he worked and was closest with father, so he was more influenced…
Are that many people not aware they are continuing the communication models from their primary families?

Food in the shadows

Ron, a friend/former co-worker of Joe, and another co-worker also named Ron (here I describe him as Ron 2) were in St. Louis for 2 days on business. Joe (working at the same company with Steve, and has traveled several places) wanted to meet for dinner.
The five of us met at an Indian restaurant and we started to chat after we sat down. Ron 2 is a very good story teller. He told several funny stories and made us laugh. One of them was a story about Chinese-Malaysians (I guessed maybe he got to know I am Chinese-Malaysian from Joe). He said when he was in a college in Illinois, they had quite a population of Chinese-Malaysians. During lunch time, they would go to buy their 1 buck chicken rice lunch from people in the shadows. That’s illegal as the seller was not licensed to sell food. So when they are dealing it in shady places, it's kind of like dealing drugs. Once, he was with a Chinese friend and it was lunch time, so he wanted to follow this friend for lunch. The Chinese guy led him to a place to buy chicken rice, but the seller said no when saw he was American. The Chinese guy persuaded the seller, as they were together. That’s dealing like for drugs. Haha….
US$1 exchanges to about RM3.50, and chicken rice is about RM3.50 in Malaysia. However, it is not possible to get chicken rice with US$1 (I am not sure how many years ago this story happened) in the USA, that’s why these Chinese students go get food in the shadows…

That also reminds me about our New York trip, when we were in a store at China Town. The boss saw Steve is American, he ignored our inquiry about a CD. After we went out, we guessed the store might have some illegal CDs and were afraid a Westerner would report them….

Gypsy Caravan

During the Memorial Day weekend, the St. Louis Symphony Volunteer Association had a fundraising event – the Gypsy Caravan. I think it a little bit like flea market.

That day was not very good weather - cloudy in the morning and rain in the afternoon. There was rain when we arrived and I did not expect to see a lot of people shopping in the rain. Some were wet – they didn’t bring an umbrella or raincoat, and there were no places to take cover from the rain, but it seems those Americans didn’t care about the rain. The vendor stalls were in an open area; their goods were wet…

St. Louis某大学在公共假日办了一项活动 – Gypsy Caravan，即是吉普赛式的流浪商队，我觉得他们卖的东西有点像跳蚤市场。

这天遇到天气不好，早上乌云阴天，下午却下雨了。我们抵达时就是下雨时段，出乎我意料，还是看到很多人在雨中逛‘街’，有些人没伞没雨衣只好被淋湿（没有避雨的地方），似乎美国人对雨天都不在意。商队们在露天摆摊，雨水淋湿了摆卖品…

Black

Some Chinese people think the color black represents bad luck and they avoid using black as a main color in any celebration. Birthday celebrations too, the color black is ‘pantang’ ('taboo', in Malay). Really, don’t challenge their taboo! It might lead to an unpleasant situation and it seems black really can bring bad luck at that moment… (Recently, in the news ‘a few’ Malaysians are sensitive to see people wearing black cloth, sigh.)
We attended Steve’s cousin’s birthday party; it was a surprise party for her 50th. I noticed that they used black as the theme color, like black balloons, food service set, cake icing, and candles. They also put a ‘Ms. Over the Hill’ sash on her. I like this kind of playful and open-minded attitude…

Feeling

Feeling is a teacher in a special school. The students in Feeling’s class are geniuses; everyone has their outstanding talent. However, the characters of the students are very aloof and arrogant. They don’t like to be together in class and are seldom quiet; sometimes a few of them make a lot of noise. Feeling is biased also, and does not treat or act fairly to all students. Feeling loves those good students like Exciting, Glad, Happy, Cheerful, Comfort… but hates Anger, Sad, Depressed, Nervous, Fear…. Nevertheless, those students sense this aversion and want to get more attention, so they often make mischief, frustrating Feeling. Sometimes Feeling punishes them, but is sometimes forced to ignore them. So they become aggravated. Feeling is so tired after coming back home from school. Feeling calms down and knows that was not the right way to react. What is the actual problem? How to solve it? Feeling always thought to be responsible while teaching class, but Feeling wondered why some students are not obedient and are difficult to control? “Ah…isn’t it because I hate them for being disobedient and difficult to control them?” They don’t get attention so they play tricks…
Feeling decided to try up to show concern and look at them attentively.
That’s funny; when these students know their behaviors and actions are being seen and their teacher Feeling cares about them, they find it difficult to continue to be rude. They slowly quiet down.

Thanks Mom

Mom for both of us; one of us born, bred, grew and cared for by her; one of us came and was welcomed by her with a loving family. I am so appreciative I am a member of her family here, besides being thankful I would say thank you to her again and again.
I love Steve’s mom. She looks pretty, is always well prepared to welcome our visits, and her house is always immaculate. I especially admire her spirit.

We had a wonderful Mother's Day with her.

我俩的母亲，一个出生由她孕育爱护成长的，一个来到她打开双手迎接的。一个充满爱温馨的家庭，感恩一切让我进入这个家，除了向她说谢谢，还是谢谢。

我爱Steve的母亲。她很优雅及她把家装饰整洁，而且每次我们到访她都会花心思准备一些东西。我尤其赞叹她的精神。

我们与她有个美好的母亲节。

Vesak Day celebration at MABA

This year Vesak Day is on May 9th, but here it is not a public holiday. So the Buddhist organizations here do not celebrate it on the same day. Mid-America Buddhist Association (MABA) celebrated it last Sunday. Let’s see that celebration….
佛陀日今年是在5月9日，但这里不是公共假日，所以佛教团体都没按该日庆祝。中美佛教会於上星期天庆祝，看一看这儿的浴佛节…