Friday, November 30, 2007

Durian

我们到 Steve 家人拜访时,曾談起馬來西亞的果王 榴槤美国有位旅者曾到世界各地,爱好嚐吃當地人的食物不管天上地下,可生吃熟吃的,如生虫、蚁等等,他都无懼无畏照吃不误,但就是对榴槤敬而远之。所以曾吃過一点点榴槤的 Steve Sue,似乎比較能同理这位旅者,而像我这么爱吃榴槤的,对这位旅者不敢吃榴槤就有点感到疑惑

我有一次对食物驚心的經历两年半前,我和公司老板出差到中国青島,厂家老板特地到村式名馆设宴款待主客按席(他们讲究主、客座位,主座向门,所以不懂这礼俗的,最好是站着,至到有人请你到座位去)而坐之后主人漸漸透露,他早点已订了這宴餐的上等食物,是一隻狗肉,厨師会煮三十六道狗肉,但他只要求做十八道。我一听,當场表示我是不吃狗肉的!也不管我的老板会有什么反应幸亏他也说他不吃狗肉。主人感觉弄巧反拙,只好再点两、三道菜这一餐,可想而知一張桌面放不了这么多道'菜'但这是我吃得很餓的一餐!走出餐馆外的小景村,看到鉄笼内的狗群,我的心很沉,只能默默祝牠们往生三善道(佛教说的六道﹕善道 天、人、阿修罗,惡道 畜牲、餓鬼、地獄)。

对我來说应该很不好吃(我没吃过)的食物,如蜘蛛、雏蛋、蚱蜢等等,也许榴槤对有些人來说,却是一种很不好吃的食物,但榴槤畢竟还是屬於一种水果,我反而会覺得骄傲的说,我很喜欢吃榴槤!

While we were visiting Steve’s family, we once talked about the king of fruits in Malaysia - durian. An American traveler had gone to many places around the world and he had eaten local foods… whatever the food was; from sky or earth, alive or cooked, like live worms, ants, etc. He dares to eat them all, but he said he didn’t like durian. Steve and Sue have tasted a little bit of durian before, and it seems they could feel empathy for that traveler. However, as for me, since I love durian very much, I have doubts about the traveler who hated durian…

I had a scary experience involving food… Two and a half years ago, my boss and I had a business trip to Qingdao, China. The manufacturer treated us in a famous village-style restaurant… After the host and guests sat in their seat (Chinese are particular about the seating when having a meal; the host’s seat faces the door. If you don’t understand this custom, it’s better to stand until someone tells you where to sit)… The host talked a little while, and then he mentioned he had already ordered the chef’s best dishes, which were made with dog meat. The chef can cook 36 different dishes but the host wanted 18 dishes only. When I heard that, I voiced out that I don’t eat dog meat! I didn’t care about how my boss would respond… Luckily, he also said he doesn’t eat dog meat. The host felt disappointed, and he ordered two or three more other dishes… That meal had too many dishes for just one table of 10 people… Nevertheless, I felt it was a ‘starve’ meal to me! When we walked out of the restaurant, I saw an iron coop with several dogs on the way in their small village. My heart sunk down. I can only pray for them, wishing they will be born in one of the three higher realms (Buddhism has six realms: the higher realms – Heaven, Human, and Asura, and the lower realms – Animal, Hungry Ghosts, and Hell).

For me, I think some foods taste very bad, even though I’ve never eaten them before, like spiders, duckling in eggs, grass hoppers, etc. For other people, they might think durian tastes bad, but I think at least durian is a kind of fruit. I feel proud and say, “I love to eat durians very much!”

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

The process

I started drinking Penang kopi O (dark coffee) in my family, and then I changed to 3in1 packs of instant coffee. Now, I changed to French roast or Columbian coffee made with a coffee maker… In fact, I do not particular care what type of coffee I drink. I just drink whatever kind is available to get one or two cups of delicious, tasty coffee. However, I really enjoy better the nice smell when brewing the coffee or pouring the hot water into the coffee powder – that made me feel joyful… Ah…the process made me feel satisfied!

It is the same as…in fact, I do not desire about US$100. When I receive the first check from Google, I intend to donate it, as suggested by GY earlier. So, let us do this worthy undertaking and enjoy the process of contribution… I am writing my blog; you continue reading and make sure to go to the ‘commercials’ links after your reading …

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

We will be back right after this...

當我聽某人说可以靠自己的纲站,就可賺錢為生時哗!我的眼睛睜得大大的 $$$$... BOLEH(真的能嗎)?一个月是否有四位数呢?

我偶爾心癢癢会去查一查我的 Google 户口,每次看着'賺'了的錢唉!平均一天约 US$0.17,有不少天是零蛋的!已有幾个月了,但就是还没到一百美元囉!幾時才能收到第一張支票呢?如要靠寫 blog 為生,那就会成為窮 blog 生了,嗚呼哀哉!

當我们看电視的連續剧或一个節目,看到精采時,連續剧的昼面突然跳去商业昼面或者主持節目人就会说﹕ 请别走开,廣告之后我们繼續…”

我在想我寫 blog 時,是否也可用這招呢?可能我寫到一半,接着就寫

欲知下文,現請您看看廣告,下回再分曉!

When someone told me that to build a website that could generate income… Wow! My eyes opened widely $$$$... BOLEH (Really can do it)? Would it generate four figures per month?

Sometimes, I go to check my Google account and I see the earnings every time… Emm! The average is about US$0.17 per day, many days were zero! It’s already been a few months, but I still haven’t reached US$100! When will I receive the first check? If I depend on the income from writing a blog, I will be a struggling blog author, sigh!

When we are watching a game show or series on TV and it just so excellent, but suddenly the serial show jumps to a commercial… Or the host of game show will say, “Please don’t leave the TV, we will be back right after this…”

I just think, is it possible for me to do this too while writing my blog? Perhaps, if I write only half a post then write…

If you want to read the rest, it will be continued after you go to the advertisement links!

Monday, November 26, 2007

Making a choice

Everyone has some big or small issues in their life when they need to make a decision. When we have a choice, it is difficult to decide what to choose. Choose A? Or choose B? Maybe choose C? Sometimes we are afraid because we don’t know: what will the result be after making a choice?

A movie called ‘The Family Man’ is the story about a man (Nicholas Cage) who chose to part with his girlfriend twelve years earlier. He chose to go to London, leaving behind the woman he loved. He was a talented businessman and became the president of a company. He had his sport car and nice apartment… One day, he wakes up and finds himself on a different bed with his former girlfriend. He sees a little girl and a baby boy in that little house. He was shocked; wondering what has happened to him? He used a few days to check things out; nobody knows he is a president in that big business building! However, he finds a video tape showing his proposal to his girlfriend… their wedding pictures, pictures of himself with the little girl and baby boy… He is a tire salesman…he became a dad and has to share the duties of taking care of their kids with his wife. He earns an average income and he wishes to go back to his rich identity… One day, he meets the boss of the business he ran, but the boss doesn’t know him. He doesn’t give up, and tries approaching and showing his talent - the boss wants to hire him… However, his wife doesn’t want to let go of her job and wanted a normal family life; she doesn’t want to follow him to the big city. He falls into a dilemma: to choose to give up his wife and kids or to choose his career… He woke up to a phoned call reminding him of an important meeting, and found that he was back in his own nice apartment with his sport car… He realized that family is most important to him; he misses that family life… He attempts to find his former girlfriend…

When you make a choice, it is like an adventure. You never know where the future path will lead you, and you can’t go back to the original place at that time and situation…

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Thankful

美国人在一年里有幾個節慶,最主要的兩個節日是,11 月的第四星期四的感恩節,接着是聖誕節。

感恩節除了感恩之外,最高興的是,與家人的相聚餐,通常主要的食物是火雞、stuffingcranberry saucemashed potatoes with gravy pumpkin pie

我們到 Kansas City,抵達 Steve 媽家的外面時,还看到半夜時下的薄雪。我們被邀到 Sue 丈夫的哥哥家感恩節晚餐 很美好的一天!

感恩節的第二天是 'Black Friday'… 你知道那是什么嗎?那是聖誕節採購的開始,很多大商店大減价,有些在凌晨四點就开始,都是被早起的鳥兒圍得水洩不通… Sue 约三點一刻起身,这聖誕樹是她的其中一項戰利品

America has a few big celebrations every year, the biggest being Thanksgiving on the fourth Thursday in November and Christmas.

Thanksgiving is a day to remember the things for which we are thankful; the happiest is being together with family. Normally, the foods include turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes with gravy, and pumpkin pie.

When we arrived in Kansas City, we saw they had a light snow overnight outside Steve’s mom’s house. We were invited by Sue’s brother-in-law to their house to have Thanksgiving dinner… A very wonderful day!
The day after Thanksgiving is ‘Black Friday’… You know what that is? It is the start of the Christmas shopping season, and many big stores have very big sales, some starting at 4am; they are crowded by early birds… Sue woke up around 3.15am and got this Christmas tree; just one of her ‘prizes’…

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Giving more away, Getting back many more

你知道世界級女富婆嗎?我想除了小孩,每个美国人都知道誰是 Oprah Winfrey。每週星期一至五,电視会擴她的節目一小時。她有自己拍攝做節目及容纳觀眾,為数不小的场地,到她現场節目的觀眾常会有意外驚喜,有时不僅節目有特别的嘉賓、帶出的课題等,每個現场觀眾最高兴的是,有时會收到贈品

昨天我们开电視看她的節目現场觀眾进场后,工作人員开始佈置聖誕節庆的装飾,接着 Oprah 出场一一打开礼品盒,告诉大家那些礼物,介绍它及告价后,就说是送给每個觀眾的… Oprah 每折开一項礼盒,觀眾都会不断拍掌欢呼

我大略记錄貨項及价格,大概是 24 項共值 USD7,490 左右真的,不是开玩笑!最高价值的是 LG 新款的冰箱附有 TVDVD 机及其它功能等,价格是 USD3,799。這是 Oprah 每年一次送给現场觀眾的大礼!

越施捨,得惠就越多!难怪她這么有錢

Do you know the rich women in the world? I think all Americans, except little kids, know about Oprah Winfrey. The TV has her one hour show every weekday. She has her own TV studio that can hold a large audience. Sometimes, the live audiences might get surprises, not only shows with special guests, special topics, etc. Sometimes, every live audience member might also get a gift…

Yesterday, we turned on the TV and watched her show… After the audience was in the studio, the workers came out to set up Christmas decorations. Then Oprah came out and started opening gift boxes and telling the description and cost of each gift. It was all for the people in the audience… She opened one by one and every time she opened, the entire audience applauded and cheered…

I recorded roughly 24 items with a total price estimated at USD7,490… Really, I’m not kidding! The most valuable gift was a new model of LG refrigerator with built-in TV & DVD player, costing USD3,799. These were the biggest gifts for live audiences that Oprah gives away once a year!

Giving more things away, might mean getting back many more benefits! That’s why she is so rich…

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Thai Buddhists festival

西马的北边界是泰国,所以很多马來西亞人會去那兒旅行、购物或其它活动

泰国佛教有一个叫 Loi Ka Ton的節日,信徒許願点蠋灯放在水流處,让燭灯隨水漂流去

一间泰 Wat 18/11庆祝这節日,我想他们不能游燭灯在这里的水流,所以他们就只能以这來象徵

The north border of West Malaysia is Thailand, thus many of Malaysians go there for sightseeing, shopping or other activities…

Thai Buddhists have a festival called ‘Loi Ka Ton’, when the devotees may pray with a candle that they light and let float away in a river or the sea…

A Thai Wat (temple) in St. Louis celebrated this festival last Sunday, but I think they cannot release lit candles into the local rivers, so they used this…to represent it…

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Curry Mee

咖哩麵是其中一種深受 Penang 人喜爱的食物
纽约的朋友 Y 寄了INA 牌子的咖哩麵给我,是马來西亞产品。我在 Penang 時吃過其它牌子的咖哩快熟麵,但没吃过像'咖哩麵'的,也未曾看過 INA 的牌子。除了加海鲜菜类,我原用这包麵的醬配料煮出一碗咖哩麵。味道还好,有點接近,是我吃过咖哩快熟麵最好吃的牌子。不過在我们的地区却找不到有店卖这牌子的咖哩麵!
Steve 不爱麵条类他吃我昨天煮了过剩的电鍋煲(应用瓦煲)腊肉飯。

Curry Mee (Noodle) is one of the hawker foods that are popular in Penang

My friend, Y in New York sent me curry mee (INA brand). It is a Malaysia product. When I was in Penang, I ate a couple of brands of instant curry mee, but I never found one that tasted like ‘curry mee’. I never saw the INA brand in Penang. I cooked it with the original sauces from the noodle package, and I added some seafood and vegetables. The taste is closer and good; this is the best among the brands of instant curry mee I’ve eaten. However, I can’t find this brand at the stores in our area that sell curry mee!

Steve doesn’t like noodles very much… He is eating Chinese sausage rice made in the rice cooker (should use clay pot) that I cooked and was left over from yesterday.

17.11.07 晴冷


Saturday, November 17, 2007

Techologies advanced & Humankind's visions

看了一些机器人的電影故事科技越發达,人类的想法/視野,發揮得越來越淋漓盡致。不過我还是希望電腦不会追上人腦的一天!

Email 是項非常便利的溝通連接處,所以就有很多人利用这方面得到利益。可能你会收到友人的 email 邀你到某某纲站或一些奇怪的内容(我之前就曾用我的 email address 登入某些纲站。)我想當某些纲站收集了你的 email address,就會用你的email address 或把它轉卖出去,所以你 email 的連络人就会收到由你的 email address 發送的 spam emails 或你自己會收到一些 spam emails…

我從中学习到及想與你分享﹕

1. 不要隨便去一些内容可疑的 email 纲站及隨便登入某免費的纲站。

2. 你可以多註册幾个不同的 email address,可分别作不同用途,如没有儲存任何联络人的、儲存重要資料的,但不要记錄銀行的資料、ID password,以妨万一、也不曉得别人是否会盗用你的 email address

3. 这是貼示﹕儲存 passport 的副印及可 print 出清晰的印本在 email 里,這是防備出国时,万一不幸遺失 passport,可隨时开 email print passport 副本報案。

也许你有其它的分享,请 comment

We saw stories about robots in movies… As the technologies become more advanced, humankind’s visions are becoming more innovative. However, I hope the computer ‘mind’ never has a chance to catch up and pass the human mind!

Email is a way of communicating and connecting which is very convenient. Thus, many people will use this advantage to their benefit. You might receive a friend’s email inviting you to a website or that contains some strange content in the message… (I used my email address to sign in to a few websites before.) I think when some websites collect your email address, and might use it or sell it to others. So, that’s why sometimes your contacts will get spam emails sent from your address or you will receive some spam mails…

I learned from there and would like to share with you:

1. Don’t simply visit websites from an email that you feel is strange or weird, and don’t simply sign in to those free websites.

2. You can register a couple of different email addresses and use them for separate purpose. Like one of that doesn’t have contact info and one to keep important info; but don’t record bank info with ID and password, in case someone steals your email address and you still don’t know.

3. This is a tip: Keep a passport photocopy with sizes you can print out and readable in your email. So, if you are overseas and unfortunately lose your passport, you can print a copy from email anytime to make a report.

Perhaps you have something to share. Please comment!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Hidden message

我收到 R email 讲述他做了一个夢境,问誰有兴趣帮他解夢。隔天又收到 R email 附上某人解析他的夢境

我回复 R 说﹕

我想也许帮你解夢的人,是有些根据及加上对你的认识了解给于对你的觀点... 哈哈...我想真正的是,本身(个案)才是解夢的專家... 就像个案本身是问題解决的專家一样... 協助者只是引導你去看、感受或分析夢

我曾經做了一些比较有印象的夢,把它们寫出來,其实當在寫夢境的过程中,就是在整理,重看、感受及分析夢这时其实我已开始在為自己解夢

如果有些人不能寫,但只可讲述,那也是一样的。當你在讲述時,情感就会抒洩,也是一样在整理,重看、感受及分析而且可能会發現一些連自己都不知道的隱藏讯息

所以,如果你记得你的夢境,就写或说出來罷!

I received R’s email about his dream and asking who is interested in helping to analyze it. The next day, I received R’s email again; with a note attached by someone who analyzed his dream…

I replied to R:

I think that the one who analyzed your dream might have some reference base, plus her/his owns thoughts that she/he recognized about you… Ha-ha…I think the person (client) should be the expert in analyzing for their own dreams… It is the same as 'the client is the one who is expert in solving their own problems'… The helper only guides the client to review, to feel, or leads you to analyze the dream…

I have had some dreams I could remember and I wrote them out. In fact, while I was writing the scenes of the dream, I was working up to reviewing, feeling the feelings again, and analyzing the dream… It meant I was actually starting to understand my dream…

If some of you can’t write, but only can talk, it is also the same. When you are telling, your emotions and feelings will release, it is also working up to reviewing, feeling, and analyzing, and you might discover some hidden messages that you didn’t know before…

So, if you can remember your dream, just write it out or talk about it!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Kaya

只要是马來西亞人,都知道什么是 kaya!它如一般果醬,可以塗在麵包。材料主要是蛋、糖、椰醬、pandan 葉。但我聽说制作 kaya 要長时间蒸攪它几小時
我们有
Malaysian 食镨,竟可用微波炉制作 kaya,只须要几分鈡就可完成。我们半信半疑的开始试做嘿,很香咧,还好吃過我们在 Asian store 買的

All Malaysians should know what kaya is! It is coconut milk jam to spread on bread like other fruit jams. The ingredients are: eggs, sugar, coconut milk and pandan (screwpine) leaf. However, I heard that it takes a couple of hours to steam it, stirring constantly…

We had a Malaysian cookbook with a recipe for kaya using a microwave, and it only needed a couple of minutes to cook. We were rather in doubt but tried to cook it… Whew, it seems very good; better than the one we bought in the Asian grocery store…

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

What were you thinking?

PN 看了我九月期间寫的地球变暖(Global warming)短文后,给 comment 告诉我可觀看<An Inconvenient Truth>。不久,我們就在店里買了这 DVD,但搁置很久都没被开啟,因為我们常会先看其它陸陸续续買回的 DVD。(这好像是人的劣根性,地球变暖?事不关己,先不去管它!)昨天好像是没什么选择,有些我看过的但 Steve 还没看过、我没看过的但 Steve 已看过就选这部我们都没看過的

看了之后,我喜欢这位讲解气候危机的美国前副总统 Al Gore。可惜他之前选举美国总统時,輸给現任的 George Bush,我想如果 Al Gore 當总统,至少他可能不会去和他国引戰吧?

我们的大环境,真的是需要我们去爱护它希望该 DVD 的其中一句能提醒大家﹕'后代可能偶爾会问他们自己,我们父母在想什么?為什么當他们有机会的时候,他们竟然没有醒覺?我们必须听到他们的提问,此刻。'

这是有关纲站

After PN read my short blog about global warming posted in September, she commented and recommended I watch ‘An Inconvenient Truth’. Later, we bought this DVD in a shop but hadn’t yet opened it, because we chose to watch other DVDs that we continued bringing back home. (Mankind seems to have a lot of bad habits like this. Global warming? This is not my business/issue; don’t worry about it yet!) Yesterday, we didn’t have much choice; some DVDs I had watched but Steve hadn’t and some DVDs I haven’t watched but Steve already had… Then we chose this DVD that both of us haven’t watched yet…

After we watched it, I liked the person who talked about the climate crisis, Al Gore, who is the former Vice President of America. Unfortunately, he lost the presidential election to George Bush. I think if Al Gore had become the president, he probably wouldn’t have gone to war with other countries?

We really need to take care of our big environment… I hope a sentence in this DVD will remind us: “Future generations may well have occasion to ask themselves, ‘What were our parents thinking? Why they didn’t wake up when they had a chance?’ We have to hear that question from them, now.”

This is the link.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Understand and Practice

以前我常去聽佛法、看佛書,我覺得佛法在講四聖谛﹕苦、集、滅、道及等等時,的確能夠使我信服,但我只吸收到那是非常'佛理'的(可能我对佛法的認識只是冰山一角)。比如一個佛理的例子﹕有一人中箭后,最警急的是趕快救治他,把箭拿出,解决當下的問題,而不是問﹕為何會中箭、何时中箭、何地、何人射箭、什么箭、如何被射等。

自從接触心理輔導當義工后,我變成常去聽社會課題講座、上輔導或自我成長的课程及看輔導書藉。我覺得人面對社會的問題越來越多,心理輔導較注重在觧剖問題,那是實际及非常'人理'的。比如上述例子,中箭者被救治后,可能心理的創傷却還未治疗,而產生其它問題(如受害及怨恨、無法寬恕、復仇及自傷或傷人等),那也是需要處理的。輔導就須要问﹕為何會中箭、何时中箭、何地、何人射箭、什么箭或如何被射等然后让中箭者看待問題所在,中箭者可以如何解决或處理旧傷所帶來的影响,協助中箭者找出資源重新定位

雖然我没聽佛法看佛書已很多年,但佛根還是很穩固的!可是我並没深入覺察,其實佛法與当輔導義工是息息相關的

至到前天聽了永固法師的'你可以活得更好'講座比較进一步了解到,觧、行並重的含意。法師說﹕富貴學道難!如果你很滿意你現在的人生,請問下世你還要相同一模一样的人生嗎? 我猜你也是摇頭。“…如果只是理觧佛法,但没有修行,是無法成道的。當義工是最好的修行,人與人的問題最能让你去磨,去修!法師原來也有做咨商,她說台北的生命綫(心理輔導熱綫)有時會轉介無法處理的欲自殺個案给她。有一位五十多歲的個案,一位出身是千金小姐,甘願與家人脫离關系,含辛茹苦的與窮丈夫打拼,終於有成就,但現在却發現丈夫有外遇,也有孩子與她的孩子同样年級,意謂丈夫從结婚就背叛她。她自殺多次不死,丈夫認為她在做戲。法師輔導她,從听、分析、觧决方案约四個小時了,她還是说要去死。(我认為這是做輔導避忌的,因為時間太長,雙方都會很累,思考就會遲鈍。)

那就去死吧!法師说,不過在死之前,可不可以帮我一件事?

什么事?

這理佛寺正要辦七月法會,整個月要供齋,厨房很忙,你能不能來帮忙洗菜切菜一個月,積一點功德后才去死?

好吧!

法師偶爾到厨房觀察她,看她臉上有笑容與其他人談話

一個月后她來找法師说,我不想死了!其實想想,我應該感謝那女人,她必須收拾老頭子丟在地上的臭襪…”

以上故事是法師提到'停止妄念'时举的例子。我解釋為这個案是從供献行动中,提高了自我价值,而改變受害的觀念。

做輔導通常都是先改變個案的觀念,建立或提高個案自我价值,而會有新的选擇或行动

我想這两者﹔一个是'先行后觧',一个是'先觧后行'都可行得通吧!

Previously, I often listened to Dharma talks and read Buddhist books. I believed the truth of Dharma mentioned in the Four Noble Truths of suffering, origin of suffering, cessation of suffering, and the way that leads to the cessation of suffering. I only understood Buddhism on a theoretical level (I might be too narrow in my understanding of the Dharma). As an example, from the Buddha: If someone is hit by an arrow, the most urgent thing is to save him and take out the arrow. The solution is to solve his problem here and now but not to question: Why was he hit by an arrow? When was he hit? Where? Who shot the arrow? What materials is the arrow made of? How was he hit? Etc.

After I joined the counseling training and became a volunteer, I changed, and started to listen to talks about social topics, attended counseling and self-development courses, and read counseling books. I think human beings facing social problems are becoming more and more common, and counseling focuses on ‘operational’ problems; it seemed practical and humanistic. As in the above example: After the person hit by the arrow was safe, he might not be healing the inner hurt and thus create other problems (like feeling victimized and hate, can’t forgive, feel vengeful and hurt himself or others). These feelings need to be healed. So we have to ask questions when in counseling: Why was he hit by an arrow? When was he hit? Where? Who shot the arrow? What materials was the arrow made of? How was he hit? Etc… Then, let him know about his problems, the solutions for those matters that are affected by his previous hurt, and help him to find the resources and make new decisions or have a new mindset…

Even though I stopped listening to Dharma talks and reading Buddhist books for a long time, the Buddhist root is still stable inside! However, I didn’t realize that Dharma and volunteer counseling are actually very closely related…

Then, yesterday, I heard a talk ‘You Could Live Better’ by Venerable Yung Ku… I better understood the meaning of ‘understanding and practicing are both important’. The venerable said, “It is harder for rich people to practice the truth! …if you think your life is satisfying, do you want the same life in your future life?” I guess you also shake your head, no. “…if you just understand Dharma but are not practicing it, you will not get the way of truth. To be a volunteer is the way of practice, because between people there will be many issues to handle and solve!” The venerable also does counseling. She said sometimes a counseling line in Taipei would transfer a client intending to commit suicide to her that they couldn’t handle. One client, over 50, was born in a rich family, but she loved a poor guy. She chose to break the relationship with her family and marry him, and lived a hard life. Finally they were well-off financially. She found out that her husband had a love affair and their kid was a similar age with her kid. It meant her husband had been betraying her since they married. She had tried suicide a few times but lived. Her husband thought it was just a way for her to manipulate him. The venerable spent about four hours counseling her by listening, analyzing and giving solutions. However, she still said she intended to die. (My thoughts are: the counseling session was too long, because both of them will get very tired and can’t think well.)

“In this case, you just go to die!”, the venerable said, “But before you die, could you help me with one thing?”

“What thing?”

“The temple here will be holding ‘the seventh lunar month activity’; the kitchen will get busy because we serve meals every day for a whole month. Could you come to help in the kitchen for a month? You might collect some merit before you die.”

“Okay!”

The venerable passed the kitchen sometimes and saw her chatting with others with a smile on her face…

After a month, she came to see the venerable and said, “I don’t want to attempt suicide again! In fact, I feel grateful to that lady who needs to clean the old guy’s dirty socks thrown on the floor…”

The above story was an example of ‘stopping delusional thought’ told by the venerable. I interpret it: this client began increasing her self-esteem when contributing through her actions, and made her change the victim mentality.

Normally, part of counseling involves changing the client’s thoughts and building or increasing her/his self-esteem, so she/he will make new choices and actions…

I think, ‘practice then understand’ and ‘understand then practice’… both of these ways can work.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Forgive

“…我過得馬馬虎虎比上不足,比下有餘! 有些中国來的欠了地頭蛇將近七萬美金,他們要工作幾年才能還債…” 這是 Y 與我的一段談話。

1997年在義工群中認識 Y,我对 Y 的印象是善良、勤劳、直率、有義气過了不久,她和另一個朋友 M 做了美國夢,终於到美國我很佩服她們的勇气,若是我,我當時不能放下熟悉的環境

過后她們就没與我聯系,只偶爾從朋友口中,略得知一点点她們的消息跳飛機的生活並不好過!我只憑想像她們為了生存工作,而須兜旋與其他國人中的复雜人事物、居無保障這種須要付出很大的忍辱、遷就、堅強老實说並不是我們能理解的。

至到我來到美國,email 聯络現遷住在 New York Y,她很高興打电話给我,彼此問好,得知她已得到 PR 。很感謝她很關心我,提供一些住在美國的小细節,又寄一些食物给我。她偶爾來电话聊一些心中的煩惱她最近因為被朋友 X 說她没有飲水思源她就覺得自己在道德上不很好。經她分享事件過后,我覺得她已盡情盡義,那位說她的 X,我想可能 X 的生長過程心理受到創傷,而没有療,所以 X 常會不自覺的做出一些傷害週遭人的语言或行為。我在想如果你發現到那水源(帮助過你的人)已开始生蟲,而你已經付出血汗花錢消毒(回饋付出精神劳力錢財给帮助者),但還是有新的蟲類再生長(語言傷害)那不如停下,照顧好自己的能量更為重要。

若是常用语言傷害你的人,你又不能让他/她改觀,那就寬恕这样的朋友罷!

好朋友應該是互相支持關怀的,你說是嗎?

“…My life is just passable…not good enough to compare with the rich and not so bad as to compare with the poor! Some people from China owed nearly 70 thousand dollars to an ‘agent’; they need to work a couple of years to pay the debt…” This was part of a conversation from Y with me.

In 1997, I met Y at a volunteer group. She impressed me as being kind, diligent, frank, righteous… Later, she and another friend, M, had an America dream. Finally, they reached America… I admired their bravery; as for me, I couldn’t let go of my comfort zone at that time…

They didn’t contact me after they left, but I got a little news about them from friends… the illegal working life is not easy! I just imagined they needed to survive to live without insurance, work together with other foreign workers, deal with complicated matters in that society… They all needed to be strong minded, enduring contempt, and accommodating… Frankly, we might not understand them.

After I was in the US, I emailed Y. She moved and was living in New York. She phoned me and we had a nice chat, I knew that she already got the Green card. She advised me of some details about living here and sent a package of Asian food to me. I felt so grateful to her. Occasionally, she phoned me and talked a little bit about her barrier… Recently she was told by a friend, X, who was critical that she didn’t feel ‘gratitude to the source of benefit’… So she felt that maybe she was not honorable. After she shared the issue with me, my thought was she has shown her gratitude and righteousness… I think that person X, who was critical of her, might have had trauma in a previous life and didn’t get healing. Thus, X often behaved or spoke badly to hurt others. I think if you found the ‘source’ (the person who helped you before) already had problems, and you also used a lot of energy and money to help them (contributed back to the person who helped you before), but they still come out with new problems (saying something to hurt you)… Why not just stop it. Is the most important thing to care for your energy or spirit?

If a friend often says things to try to hurt you, and you can’t help change his/her mind, then just forgive him/her!

Good friends are supposed to support and care for each other. Do you think so?

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Actual appearance

We heard that the trees will have a farewell for all the leaves, so we hurried to attend this farewell concert for the leaves by the autumn wind in the town of Grafton in Illinois.

The autumn wind was playing the good-bye music, however the leaves were singing sadly… The autumn wind is the host of the farewell concert…the job will be done when all the leaves are gone. The autumn wind is impatient… The leaves are urged by the wind and are falling to the ground one by one… Ah! What lying down is such a comfortable feeling …why didn’t I have this experience before? The leaf, looking up to the bald tree… Oh! This is your actual appearance… I couldn't help you anymore!

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Real world

We just watched a DVD of 'A Beautiful Mind' which won 4 Academy Awards in 2001: Best picture, best director (Ron Howard), best producer (Brian Grazer) and best supporting actress (Jennifer Connelly).

It is a true story of the inner world of Dr. John Forbes Nash who is a brilliant mathematician… His mind was always filled with mathematical theories but little comprehension of social interaction. When he was in the university, a roommate with a personality opposite his came in to his world… After he graduated and became a professor, a secret agent came to him, and he becomes a spy, decoding hidden messages… He again met the roommate, this time with a little girl; she has no parents, but is the niece of his roommate… During this, he also meets a lady who is his student. They fall in love and get married… But his life is always on the brink with these three persons: the secret agent, his former roommate and the roommate’s niece. He becomes entangled in a mysterious conspiracy… He is admitted to a psychiatric hospital, but couldn’t be healed, because he thought all three of these persons and events were real… His wife never gave up on him and helped him get back to his life as a professor again… In 1994, he won the Nobel Prize in Economics. In fact, he still had paranoid schizophrenia but he got better at trying to conquer it… He said the only reason he won the Nobel Prize was because love; love from his wife!

Paranoia is a mental disorder symptom, it is not like some people told that they be bewitched. A person who has schizophrenia needs much love and support from their family and friends!

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Thought

人都會思想

有了思想就會意念投射妄想,

有了妄想就會強烈熾熱欲想,

有了欲想就會美化轉成夢想,

有了夢想就會整理變為理想,

有了理想就會製造很多痴想,

有了痴想就會自嘲说休想!

怎么靜坐時一刻都不能不想!你在想什么?

Human beings have conscious thoughts.

When you have conscious thoughts, you will project the thoughts to delusion.

When you have delusion, you will intensify the thoughts to desire.

When you have desire, you will beautify the thoughts to dreams.

When you have dreams, you will organize the thoughts to be ideal.

When you have ideal, you will create many silly thoughts.

When you have silly thoughts, you will ridicule yourself…impossible thoughts!

Ah…why, at the time when I meditate…even for a second I couldn’t have…no thought! What is your thought?

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Woods

This is a small lake in Sue’s neighborhood…

We went to Burr Oak Woods when we were in Kansas City. Ah…the fall trees…

Normally in a Chinese family, the family members will keep asking the new couple when they plan to have a baby. Steve’s family members don’t ask this question, but keep asking us if we at least want to adopt a dog or not when our visit trip there… This trip we knew that Sue had a new dog at her home… However, in most areas, each family can have a maximum of three pets (Sue already has had three dogs for a long time), so Sue & her husband were trying to persuade us to take him… Sorry, we don’t want one…

Monday, November 5, 2007

Auction

Sue的教書的學校是教堂开办,教堂舉行一個拍賣會筹款我們到教堂會场,報名后就有一個號碼可以投標。拍賣品有學生作品及個人或各公司捐献的貨品,拍賣現场分為靜投標及舉手投標。拍賣開始是各類貨品各有限時段的靜投標,每貨品各有一張价格表让人填上所要的投標价。靜投標的貨品时段過了,誰投標最高价者就會得到該貨品。如某些貨品没人投標,就會放去另一處,按原价折扣賣出。我們買了這件貝殼項鏈。靜投標结束后,是叫價舉手投標的时候了,說明每件貨品后,拍賣主持人就让眾人舉自己的號碼投標。Sue 投到她女兒班级做的手工箱櫃我第一次看拍賣會,很新奇不過很不能頂拍賣主持人叫價的聲音

Sue is a teacher in a Catholic school. The church had a fund raising auction for the school… We went to the venue and got a number for bidding when we registered. The things in the auction are art projects made by the students or donated by individuals or company sponsors. It had both a silent auction and live auction. They started with the silent auction. Every section of things has a time limit. The silent auction means every item has a bid list, and people can write their bid on the list of the thing they want. When a section closed, the person with the highest bid on the list gets the item. Those things that were not bid on were placed in another area to sell at a discounted price. We bought a shell necklace. After the silent auction closed, it was time for the live auction. Someone reads the description of an item, and then the auctioneer takes bids on the item from people raising their number. Sue got a handcrafted chest made by her daughter’s class… It was the first time I’ve seen an auction; it was a new experience…but I couldn’t stand the noise of the auctioneer…

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Birthday party

我們收到 Sue 寄來邀請卡,她為媽舉行生日 party,所以Steve 做媽喜歡吃的 chocolate cake去拜訪媽。媽並不知道Sue提前两天為她慶祝,而且邀請她的好朋友來祝賀她,有意让媽驚喜 媽見朋友到來,很开心向朋友說她並不知道,所以没打扮穿着但她還是很好看!

這次去拜訪媽是慶祝她的生日,我的生日已過,但媽、JoanSue一家人還是送了我很多的禮物温暖我的心,真的很感激他們。

We received an invitation card from Sue - she was holding a birthday party for mom. Steve made mom’s favorite chocolate cake for that visit. Mom didn’t know that Sue arranged the party two days earlier than her birthday and invited mom’s friends to celebrate with her. Sue wanted mom to be surprised… Mom felt happy when she looked at her friends coming for the party. She told her friends she didn’t know and didn’t dress up… She looks wonderful!

Our visit was celebrating mom’s birthday, but I got many gifts too from mom, Joan and Sue’s family, even though my birthday was over… My heart felt so warm and I feel so grateful; I appreciate them very much.

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