Advice

Hi SinE,

（我翻譯自英文）‘希望你那儿的生活很好…

以下是我同事的故事…’

她受中文教育 英文不是很流利

他受英文教育 听不懂中文

然而他们相遇 相爱了

她觉得语言不是问题

她说可以乘机学好英语。。

今天 她有点受不了了

她的感觉无法清楚的向他表达

她的分享 他似乎不是很了解

他说这也许是件好事 可以减少争吵

听起来似乎也不是没有道理。。

然而她看来还是有点无奈。。。

我也不晓得该如何安慰 该劝她继续加油 ？ 还是趁早放弃 ？

不该由我来说吧。。。

（我翻譯自英文）‘听她诉说之后… 我想起你…

她是一个感觉型的人…有时候很难用英语表达她的感觉..

与你分享…不知你对此有何看法..*o*

LT敬上’

Hi LT,

谢谢你分享朋友的疑问。以我的作風，如要了解她本身的疑问多一些的话，我还是希望与当事人联接。不過没关系，我願意把我的經歷分享﹕

我是马来西亞华人 講英语一块一块的

他是美国洋人 听不懂华语及方言

然而我们被介绍认识 相爱了

我之前觉得担心语言是问題 鸡同鸭讲

介绍人对我说 做回自已 开放心怀。。

去年 我们结婚了了

我常与他分享 真的说不清楚 就用中文写

他如想要了解 会去纲上尋找翻譯

这是一种对彼此的誠意

我未结婚前

有结婚了的朋友幽我的默 若吵架时要怎么骂话。。

好像在一起就是要爭吵的？。。。

我认为应正面的 嘗试去了解！ 接纳！

请记得並希望一起互勉之。。。

(我未认识Steve前，我没常用英语与人交谈，可以想像當时与印度女同事用英语交谈是一块一块的，欲描述一件事是很困难的。在我的腦海里從没想过我会接触不懂中文或华语的伴侶，當我被介绍认识一位即不会讲华语更不用说会任何方言的美国人Steve时，虽然我们开始是用英文email，我还可以慢慢想，写出让对方明白的英文。但到了Steve告诉我要来見我时，我才感觉那种担心（我曾提到关於这点的，在此 – http://lktansinee.blogspot.com/2007/06/steve-said.html）﹕我们的沟通会有问題嗎？会不会出現鸡同鸭讲？我不敢直接与介绍人龚鉥，讲出我这些担心，我email 她﹕“…我们從email 彼此认识了一些，Steve希望来槟城見我。在我们見面前，你可否告诉我你所知道的他，比如人格及其它。若我多知道他一些，这样我会较有安全感…” 龚鉥回复我﹕“（我翻译自英文）他是一位很好的人，心靈隨和。他喜欢東方文化，曾去过日本公幹也认识日本文化。他向我学习中国画很久了，他画得很好。他是一位工程師。我知道的就是这些。做回你自己及开放心怀，不用紧張，与他有个美好的相處。”

做回你自己及开放心怀，确实是很重要的！

我都尽量与Steve分享，真的说不清楚，我就用中文写给Steve我要说的意思，他如想要了解，他会想办法，如去尋找纲上翻譯，这是一种对彼此的誠意。

还没在一起生活就想負面的 – ‘可以減少爭吵’ ？之前我还未结婚时，也有结婚了的朋友幽我的默 - “若吵架时要怎么骂话？” 好像在一起就是要爭吵的？

正面的应是嘗试去了解、接纳！请记得並希望一起互勉之。)

心憶敬上

Hi SinE,

Hope you are doing fine there...

Below is a story about my colleague...

(I translated into English) ‘She is Chinese educated and not fluent in English. He is English educated and doesn’t understand Chinese. However, they met and fell in love. She thought language is not a problem and said it is a chance to learn more English… Today, she can’t stand it anymore because she can’t express clear enough her feelings, and he looked like he did not understand her sharing too. He said this might be good; perhaps it can reduce their arguments. Sounds like it is not untrue, but she looked a little bit helpless.

I don’t know how to comfort her, or give her advice to carry on? Or better to get out early?’

After listening to her... I thought of you..

She is a feeler ....sometimes it is hard for her to express her feelings in English.

Sharing this with you ... see if you have any say about this...*o*

Regards, LT

Hi LT,

Thanks for sharing some of your friend’s doubts. I wish to contact her so I can understand more about her doubts. However, it is okay. I would like to share my experience:

Before I met Steve, I had less conversation in English. You can imagine my English conversations with my Indian colleagues; My English was piecemeal and it felt difficult to express myself. I never thought that I would meet a partner who doesn’t understand Chinese. I was introduced to an American, Steve, who can’t speak Chinese, nor Chinese dialects. Even though we started by email and I could take time to write in English so that Steve could understand what I was talking about, I felt worried (this link talked a little bit about the worry - http://lktansinee.blogspot.com/2007/06/steve-said.html) when he wished to come to meet me: Would we have communication problems? Would he understand what I was saying? (Can a chicken talk with a duck?!) I didn’t tell my worries directly to Gong Shu, who introduced us, but emailed her: “…we have learned a bit about each other from emails and Steve wishes to come Penang to meet me. Before we meet, can you tell me, as much as you know about him, i.e. personality and etc. If I know more then I may feel a bit more comfortable …” Gong Shu replied: “He is a very nice person, easy going and spiritual. He likes Oriental culture. He has been to Japan on business and knows Japanese culture. He studied painting with me for a long time and is very good at it. He is an engineer. That's all I know. Just be yourself and be open. Have a good time with him, don't be nervous.”

It is really important to be yourself and be open!

I always try to share things with Steve. If it really isn’t clear enough, I write in Chinese so if Steve wants to understand, he can find a translation online. This is sincerity to each other.

They haven’t been living together yet, but already have negative thoughts – ‘it can reduce their arguments’? My married friends were joking before I got married - “how will you argue?” They sound like a couple must fight?

The positive way should be to try to understand and accept! I wish this as a reminder and encouragement for each other.

Regards, sinE