Forgive

“…我過得馬馬虎虎…比上不足，比下有餘! 有些中国來的欠了地頭蛇將近七萬美金，他們要工作幾年才能還債…” 這是 Y 與我的一段談話。

1997年在義工群中認識 Y，我对 Y 的印象是善良、勤劳、直率、有義气… 過了不久，她和另一個朋友 M 做了美國夢，终於到美國… 我很佩服她們的勇气，若是我，我當時不能放下熟悉的環境…

過后她們就没與我聯系，只偶爾從朋友口中，略得知一点点她們的消息…跳飛機的生活並不好過！我只憑想像她們為了生存工作，而須兜旋與其他國人中的复雜人事物、居無保障… 這種須要付出很大的忍辱、遷就、堅強…老實说，並不是我們能理解的。

至到我來到美國，email 聯络現遷住在 New York 的 Y，她很高興打电話给我，彼此問好，得知她已得到 PR 卡。很感謝她很關心我，提供一些住在美國的小细節，又寄一些食物给我。她偶爾來电话聊一些心中的煩惱… 她最近因為被朋友 X 說她没有飲水思源…她就覺得自己在道德上不很好。經她分享事件過后，我覺得她已盡情盡義，那位說她的 X，我想可能 X 的生長過程心理受到創傷，而没有療愈，所以 X 常會不自覺的做出一些傷害週遭人的语言或行為。我在想如果你發現到那水源（帮助過你的人）已开始生蟲，而你已經付出血汗花錢消毒（回饋付出精神劳力錢財给帮助者），但還是有新的蟲類再生長（語言傷害）… 那不如停下，照顧好自己的能量更為重要。

若是常用语言傷害你的人，你又不能让他／她改觀，那就寬恕这样的朋友罷！

好朋友應該是互相支持關怀的，你說是嗎？

“…My life is just passable…not good enough to compare with the rich and not so bad as to compare with the poor! Some people from China owed nearly 70 thousand dollars to an ‘agent’; they need to work a couple of years to pay the debt…” This was part of a conversation from Y with me.

In 1997, I met Y at a volunteer group. She impressed me as being kind, diligent, frank, righteous… Later, she and another friend, M, had an America dream. Finally, they reached America… I admired their bravery; as for me, I couldn’t let go of my comfort zone at that time…

They didn’t contact me after they left, but I got a little news about them from friends… the illegal working life is not easy! I just imagined they needed to survive to live without insurance, work together with other foreign workers, deal with complicated matters in that society… They all needed to be strong minded, enduring contempt, and accommodating… Frankly, we might not understand them.

After I was in the US, I emailed Y. She moved and was living in New York. She phoned me and we had a nice chat, I knew that she already got the Green card. She advised me of some details about living here and sent a package of Asian food to me. I felt so grateful to her. Occasionally, she phoned me and talked a little bit about her barrier… Recently she was told by a friend, X, who was critical that she didn’t feel ‘gratitude to the source of benefit’… So she felt that maybe she was not honorable. After she shared the issue with me, my thought was she has shown her gratitude and righteousness… I think that person X, who was critical of her, might have had trauma in a previous life and didn’t get healing. Thus, X often behaved or spoke badly to hurt others. I think if you found the ‘source’ (the person who helped you before) already had problems, and you also used a lot of energy and money to help them (contributed back to the person who helped you before), but they still come out with new problems (saying something to hurt you)… Why not just stop it. Is the most important thing to care for your energy or spirit?

If a friend often says things to try to hurt you, and you can’t help change his/her mind, then just forgive him/her!

Good friends are supposed to support and care for each other. Do you think so?