Sometimes I think about my current stage in life… During this period, I need to face a few big adjustments in one shot: From many years of living a single life, going swiftly to married life and living with another person. Leaving a job, where I had already worked many years, to become a fulltime housewife. Living in an Asian country for many years, then moving to a strange western country in
Becoming a housewife and relaxing was my dream in the days I was an employee with annoying work: ‘Such a great life if I married a person that I don’t need to go out to work. Then I could do what I like to do!’ I needed income to survive and did not dare to resign from work at that time. Do you understand? I felt so released on the last day in that company; I didn’t miss it at all.
A few days ago, when Steve mentioned about needing to pay a large bill this month… It suddenly triggered in me an uncomfortable feeling… After I got through the emotions process, I think it was because I felt guilty spending his money! I controlled my finances well since I was a kid, because my parents gave me pocket money (or allowance) to buy food for myself in school. From once a day it changed to once a week, and I used it carefully and controlled my spending. After using it for a meal, a little snack and some exercise books, normally I still could save a little money. After I graduated and got a job, I never took another cent from my family. I was very independent, including my finances (except I did not dare travel alone to places that were strange to me). Now, I am not productive and don’t have any income, but spend others’ money. It seems very unlike me…
I said to Steve, “Can I depend on your finance forever?” “Whatever you like; you can go to work or not go to work, as long as you feel happy.” I felt released after I heard him say that.
It was also an item of adjustment. Ahh! I still don’t know…what issues I still haven’t realized yet…
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