Unconditional acceptance

一位心理輔導義工的朋友和我分享﹕“…接到我在四五年前所接的第一个面谈个案的电话. 从对话中, 我看到了她的积极, 她的成长; 这一些都让我感到非常的感动. 回想起来当时三个多月密集的接案历程, 无可否认, 那是一个我有始以来最棘手的一个案件. 当中的挫折, 迷失, 跌倒; 到战战兢兢的爬了起来, 很感谢她不曾放弃过她自己, 当然这也包括了我这一只菜鸟. 这案件对我而言是一份‘礼物’. 我经历过数次的瓶颈, 当基本助人技巧用完过后, 我会问自己; what is the next move? (接下來要如何？).... 在那个时候, 很感谢尤美介绍了两本书给我. 我一边看书, 一边拿自己来做‘试验’; 再小心翼翼的运用于助人历程里. 那就是后期一些伙伴们所看到的‘内在小孩’, 一条引导回家的路, 朝向内在整合的历程. 深深的祝福你, 我的个案. 也许你不知道, 因为你让我更有能力帮了接下来的许许多多的个案.”

我一直以來，很欣賞這位朋友時常很用心的花時間花心思在輔導義工上。很高興收到他的分享，我也想與所有義工的朋友分享﹕

當然，身為一個輔導工作者或助人義工，能看到个案不再放棄自己並已經爬起來，那是一件多么鼓舞的事。但我不拘同輔導如創作般會有瓶頸的情况。與其說瓶頸，不如說是我們自己被某些事卡住了。我之所以認為這样，是因為在輔導的過程中，助人者應當是不抱着期待心的。助人技巧不會被用完的時刻，只怕未到纯熟，如大師們＇真誠、无無条件接纳＇的境界…

要如何感到助人不是一件很辛苦很累的事？助人者本身须要不断学習、自我覺察及自我成長。

其實我一直認為學習輔导，不是在助人而是助己！

One of my friends, a counseling volunteer, shared with me: “…I received a call from my first face-to-face counseling client from four or five years ago. I noticed during our conversation that she was glowing and optimistic; this touched me. I remembered that time; it was during three months of intensive counseling sessions. However, I couldn’t deny that until now that case was the most difficult for me to handle. Feeling frustration, lost and stumbling; trembling with fear until we could finally stand up in the counseling process. I am thankful she didn’t give up on herself, and me, a new counseling helper in face to face counseling as well. This case was like a ‘gift’ to me. I felt something like a ‘writer’s block’ sometimes. When, after using all of the basic counseling skills, I would ask myself: what is the next move?... At that time, I appreciated UM, who introduced me to two books. I used myself as a ‘test subject’ for the techniques in the books, and I used it carefully (in the case). This was the starting point of my learning about the ‘inner child’ concept; a process to lead the person ‘home’ and for inner integration. My client, I would bless you. Perhaps you don’t know, but because of you I have more ability to face many cases.”

I always appreciated this friend; he put many hours learning and working hard as a counseling volunteer. I feel happy he shared this and would like to share something too with all of my volunteer friends:

Of course, as a counselor or volunteer helping others, we feel encouraged when our clients don’t give up on themselves and keep their spirits up. I didn’t think counseling work could get ‘writer’s block’, like a writer or artist. If you said it was ‘writer’s block’, I prefer to say we were stuck by our own issues. I think that the reason is because as a helper, we shouldn’t have any expectations in the counseling process. We never finish using the counseling skills at all, and still do not have enough expertise at the level of unconditional acceptance as psychotherapists…

How do you feel that helping others is not tiring and hard work? The helper always needs to continuously learn self-awareness and self-growth.

In fact, I always think it was not helping others but helping myself when learning to counsel others!