Gift culture

The first time I received a gift from Steve’s friend here in the US, I just placed the gift aside, still wrapped. His friend saw I still hadn’t opened the gift after a while, and finally said to me: “Why don’t you open up and see?” So, I unwrapped the gift as she requested. Then, she seemed happy when she saw I liked the gift. 

In Malaysia, most people would wait until the gift giver was away, and then open the gift to see what it is. I am not sure if it is considered ‘good manners’ or just the cultural norm.  Are both parties afraid of being disappointed if the gift is not as ‘expected’, so that it’s better to avoid it on the spot?       

當我來了美國這兒，第一次收到Steve朋友的禮物時，我把禮物放置在旁。送禮者看我遲遲没折開禮物紙包裝，最後忍不住對我說: “為何不打開禮物看看？” 我才傻傻的按她的‘要求’ 折開禮物紙包裝。然後，送禮者看到我喜歡，送禮者也很歡喜。

在馬來西亞的文化是，通常都在送禮者離開後，才打開禮物看是什麼東西。不知這是不是表示禮貌，雙方都擔心禮物没達到‘期侍’及免於現出不雅之表情，所以還是别當場‘表現’ ？

Successful life

Continuing the previous blog posted – Power of words : 

‘Is it that people who have only a high school education can’t have success in life?’ This was one of his questions. 

I remember I shared with him and the group: “Frankly to tell you all, I got out of school and started working after I finished my SPM exam. I think my life is good. Besides working, I do volunteer work. I continue learning and feel wonderful. I have a lot of friends with bachelor’s degrees, and some have master’s degree; however, I have self-confidence and never think that I am not good enough or lower than others.” 

In fact, I was very poor in Malay language subject; I got 8 points, meaning ‘Pass’ only (1 is highest; 9 is failing) on my SPM (senior year in high school) certificate. The system is: Regardless of scores in other subjects, scores in Malay language must be between 1 and 6 to get an A grade certificate, which is required for admission to Malaysian public universities.   

My family was poor and couldn’t support me to study in a private college. Also, I didn’t like studying boring books, so the only way for me was going to ‘work university’. 

I rarely share about this; only when someone asks questions. I know a successful life is in one’s attitude, not based on how high he/she graduated.

接下篇載文Power of words: 

‘考完SPM出社會的人就不能成功？’ 他的其中一個問題。

我記得我給他及組員們的分享大略是: “老實告訴你們，我只是考完SPM就出社會工作。我覺得我的生活很好，除了工作還當義工，一直學習，人生很充實。我的義工朋友很多是大學生、有些是碩士，但我對自己很有自信心，從不覺得自己比人差。”  

其實我的馬來文科最差，SPM成績是得到8，即是Pass而已（1是最高分; 9是不及格）。教育制度 - 不管其它科目，不過馬來文科必須介於1至6，才有甲等文憑，及有可能上政府大學預備班。

我家庭不富，不能讓我上私人學院，我也不是很喜歡啃書，就這樣只好上社會大學了。

除非有人問起，我是不会刻意分享這方面，因為我認為一個成功的人生並不是在於他的文憑學歷，而是態度品格。

Power of words

In Facebook, I ran across a friend who graduated and is an engineer now. When I first met him, he was a form 5 student (senior year in high school.) I helped a counselor conduct seminars in a high school for students preparing for their high school final exam. My friend was one of the students and a member in one of the groups I facilitated. 

After the seminar, he is one of a few students who sometimes contacted me, but just for a while. We hadn’t messaged each other for years, so I wrote to him, asking about his life there. 

He replied, “I am fine. Ya, I still remember what you mentioned in the SPM exam seminar. After that, I always enjoy life in school and working. Even today, your words still help me make decisions in my life. At here, I have to say THANK YOU VERY MUCH again. ^^” 

I asked, “Really? I am glad you are telling me, but I do not remember what I said.  Can you let me know what I said and why I mentioned these words, or was it that you questioned something?”

He replied, “You said, ‘the result from the exam does not determine your whole life, as long as you try your best, have a clear conscience and don’t worry about whether you have a good or bad result, because that is your result.’ If I am not mistaken, my questions were, ‘does that mean if I don’t have a good result then I wouldn’t have a good future? Is it that people who have only a high school education can’t have success in life?’ After this seminar, I found that I could face every exam easier.  I study hard to get 'my result', and I also accept all the bad results that I get from the subjects that I not expert in, like language and history. After I finished the exam, I won’t worry about the result, because it is 'my result'. All of this I got from you, I love you too, Sister Sin E.” 

Oh yeah, thanks to him for reminding me. I really did not expect that my words to help and encourage him would still benefit, even now. I feel pleased and satisfied. 

If you were motivated by someone’s words, just tell him/her. He/she would appreciate, it should be a great reverberation.

在面子書上看到一位朋友已大學畢業，而且已是一名工程師。我初認識他，是我協助一位從事輔導員的朋友到中學辦學生營，他是其中一名中五學生，是我的組之學員。

過後有一些時日，他是其中幾几位學員主動與我聯系的一位。不過，我們很多年已沒寫訊息了，所以我就問候他及問他生活如何。

他回覆: “我很好。對了，我還記得當時SPM考前充電營，你提到的話。之後，我常愉悦面對我半工半讀的生活。至到現在，你的話還是讓我在人生做決擇時很有幫助。在此，我要再說非常感谢你。^^”  

我再寫給他: “是嗎？我很高興你告訴我，但我不記得我說了什麼及為何而說，或是否你問了些問題？元鈞，謝謝你，我愛你。”  

他再回覆: “你說，‘考試的成績不代表是生活的全部，盡了全力去考就好。只要盡了自己的全力，問心無愧，就不用擔心你考到的成績是好是壞，因為那是屬於你的成績。’ 如没錯，我的問題是，‘是不是考不好大考就没有美好未來？考完SPM出社會的人就不能成功？’ 充電營後，我發覺我較能面對考試，我努力讀書，得到‘我的成績’ ，我也能接受所有不擅長的科目如語文及歷史的不好成績。考完後，我並不擔心成績怎樣，因為這是‘我的成績’。這都是我從你那得到。我也愛你，心憶姐。” 

啊，是。謝謝他讓我記回。我真没期待，我的話能幫助及鼓勵他，而且受用至今。我覺得很欣慰。

若你有某人的話激發到你，記得要告訴他／她，這又可讓他／她感受迴響。

Men's heaven vs Men's hell

This is a quote told by an American friend: 

Men’s heaven is to have an American salary, a British house, a Chinese cook and a Japanese wife. 

Men’s hell is to have a Chinese salary, a Japanese house, a British cook and an American wife. 

My question: Why not an American wife?

 
這是一位美國男性朋友講的:  
男人的天堂是擁有-美國薪金、英國房屋、中國廚師、日本太太。
男人的地獄是擁有-中國薪金、日本房屋、英國廚師、美國太太。

我問: 為什麼不要美國太太？

Abstract expression of love

When I was a little kid, I waited for my brother to get back home from school everyday. I expected him to come back with a snack, taken out from his pocket. Sometimes, there was dried fruit, sometimes it was a cracker, sometimes it was candy…  All those made me happy inside my little heart; I felt so nice from my brother. 

The kid days were short, and I didn’t realize that my sensibility was going into hiding. 

After I became an adult, my brother had a job in another state for a few years. However, he came back home and helped dad’s hawker business in the wet market. Even though we were staying together, we did not talk much. And my brother had a temper, so we were not close at all. 

My brother married, and he took my dad’s job, but the business gradually declined. Nevertheless, my brother often came home with fruits he bought from other hawkers. Sometimes there were papayas, sometimes lychees, sometimes durians…  We were happy to have them, but somehow I didn’t think my brother was nice. 

Later, when I realized love can be expressed through behaviors, I finally figured out my brother likes to buy food for the family; it is the way he shows love. 

Can adults understand this kind of abstract expression of love?

 
小时侯还沒上学的那时期，我每天会有一阵期待三哥放学回来。那是期待他回家后，他从校服的口袋掏出零食给我。有时是半包的蜜饯，有时是一小包脆饼，有时是糖果… 这都让我小孩心眼中很高兴，觉得哥对我真好。
小孩时期不会太长，那时的感性也不知藏在那了。
长大后，三哥去外地工作几年，不久回来帮父亲的菜市场生意，虽然住在一起，但我们都不擅表达，沉默寡言，而且三哥脾气暴躁，所以我们关系并不亲密。
三哥结婚，父亲去世后，继承父业。可是生意越做收入越不佳，然而三哥收档回家，不时都会买隔壁档的一些水果回家，有时木瓜，有时荔枝，有时榴连… 虽然我们吃得很高兴，可是不知为什么，我并沒觉得哥对家人真好。

后来，当那时我知道爱可以是由行为表现的，我才明白三哥喜欢买东西给家人吃，那是他的爱的表达。 

抽象的爱，成人看得懂吗？

A virtue

There is a culture in Malaysia and among Chinese in Asia: people will call an elder person either sister or brother, or aunt or uncle, depending on their relative ages. That is a manner or respect, even though they are not related. 

It is a virtue that most Chinese are proud of; something parents begin to teach their kids when they start learning to talk. For example, the parents would teach the kids to call their friend Brother/Sister XX or Uncle/Aunty XX when they meet.

If the younger knows the elder’s name, the younger would take initiative to call the elder Brother/Sister XX or Uncle/Aunt XX instead of hi or hello. 

And it is not very good manners to ask someone older what his/her name is at the first meeting. 

A lot of times, you would hear someone call someone uncle or aunty in public like in a store.   

In the USA, when two strangers first meet, they will tell each other their names or ask what your name is. And most, even when they know each other or are related, they just say hi or hello.

亞洲的華人及馬來西亞人，有一种文化，是對年紀大的長輩，即使不是親人，都會視其年齡相差階層來稱呼對方為姐或哥、姨或叔、婆或伯，以表示禮貌尊敬。

這是大多數華人引以為傲的美德。我相信那是從小會說話那天開始的家教，比如父母的朋友來拜訪或在街上碰到，父母都會教孩子稱呼聲其朋友為 XX姐／哥或XX姨／叔。

如果年少者知道年長者的名字，年少者會主動先打招呼叫聲年長者為 XX姐／哥或XX姨／叔。

據禮儀，初會面長者，就問其姓名，是有些不敬的。

很多時候，你會在公共場所如商店，某人稱呼某人為阿姨／叔。

在美國，兩位陌生人初見面，他們各告訴其姓名或問叫什麼名。而且大多數，彼此認識或是親人，都只說嗨。