Tuesday, March 22, 2011

My Grief Rights

My Grief Rights

By Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.

I have the right to my own unique feelings about the death. I may feel mad, sad, or lonely. I may feel scared or relieved. I may feel numb or sometimes not anything at all. No one will feel exactly like I do.

I have the right to talk about my grief whenever I feel like talking. When I need to talk, I will find someone who will listen to me and love me. When I don’t want to talk about it, that’s OK too.

I have the right to show my feelings of grief in my own way. When they are hurting, some kids like to play so they’ll feel better for awhile. I can play and laugh, too. I might also get mad and scream. This does not mean I am bad, it just means that I have scary feelings that I need help with.

I have the right to need other people to help me with my grief, especially grownups who care about me. Mostly I need them to pay attention to what I am feeling and saying and to love me no matter what.

I have the right to get upset about normal, everyday problems. I might feel grumpy and have trouble getting along with others.

I have the right to have "griefbursts". Grief bursts are sudden, unexpected feelings of sadness that just hit me sometimes- even long after the death. These feelings can be very strong and even scary. When this happens, I might feel afraid to be alone.

I have the right to use my beliefs about my god to help me deal with my feelings of grief. Praying might make me feel better and somehow closer to the person who has died.

I have the right to try to figure out why the person I loved died. But it’s OK if I don’t find an answer. "Why" questions about life and death are the hardest questions in the world.

I have the right to think and talk about my memories of the person who died. Sometimes those memories will be happy and sometimes they might be sad. Either way, these memories help me keep alive my love for the person who died.

I have the right to move toward and feel my grief and, over time, to heal. I’ll go on to live a happy life, but the life and death of the person who died will always be a part of me. I’ll always miss them.

From The Centre for Loss and Life Transition


1. 我可以有自己獨特的失落感。我可以生氣、傷心或感到寂寞;可以有害怕或解脫的感覺;我也可以感覺麻木,或有時甚至沒有任何感覺。

2. 我可以隨時自由地表達悲傷的感受。當我想要聊聊時,可以去找願意傾聽我並愛我的人。當我不想談這件事時,也是可以被接受的。

3. 我可以用自己的方式表達悲傷。有些孩子在悲傷時,他們會想要從玩樂中讓自己覺得好過些,我也可以試著去玩玩或大笑一場。也可以生氣或叫喊,這並不表示我很差勁,這只是說我有害怕的感覺,需要幫助。

4. 我可以請求協助。大多數時候我需要人們的關注,關心我的感覺和所說的話,並且無論如何他們都會愛我。

5. 我可以對生活瑣事感到厭煩。我有時可能覺得自己脾氣很壞,難以與人相處。

6. 我可以有突發的情緒。突發的情緒是因為悲傷的感覺有時會突然來襲-- 即使在失落事件發生很久以後。這種感覺可能會很強烈甚或令人害怕。當有這種情形時,我也許會害怕獨處。

7. 我可以藉助信仰處理悲傷。禱告或念經可以使我覺得較平靜,而且似乎覺得離逝去的人較近些。

8. 我可以探尋失落事件帶給我的疑惑。但是如果沒有答案也沒關係。關於生死的問題是世界上最難回答的問題,何況這世界上有很多問題都難以解答。

9. 我可以想或說出我懷念的人或事。有時回憶是甜蜜的,但有時回憶卻令人痛苦。不管哪一種滋味,這些回憶都可以讓我對逝去的人或事保留一份真誠的愛。

10. 我可以在療癒歷程帶著悲傷成長。我將會有一個愉快的未來,但失落的人或事都是我生命的一部份,我永遠都懷念他們。


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