People are innocent

What do you think about these comments regarding Japan situation after 3/11:

你對一些人關於日本3月11日情况后的言論有何想法:

“为什么是日本？美国作为世界超强而且也是高度工业化的国家，每年排放到外的二氧化碳几乎就占了世界总量的五份之一。日本国民则从小就被灌输环保的意识，将垃圾分类再进行有系统的回收，这都对保护地球作出了贡献。”

Translated comment: “Why Japan? The United States has shown strength and power in the world, and is also a highly industrialized country, carbon dioxide emissions are almost one-fifth of the world’s total accounted annually. Japanese are growing to learn about environmental awareness, to conduct waste separation and recycling systems, which have contributed to the protection of the Earth.”

My thought is: ‘Why?’, here is a hard question. Who ‘really’ can answer it?

我認為: 問這樣的‘为什么？’是一個難題。誰能給‘真實’的答案？

"2011年3月11日，一个悲悸的日子。听着、看着大地震的消息，心中的难过无以比拟。

晚餐时和孩子们谈起这次的大地震，儿子竟然说：xx说这次日本会地震是活该，谁叫他们以前来打我们的国家！
这位xx同学的家人到底灌输了什么思想给他？
...
这样的思想，其实让我更加难过。。。"

Translated comment: "March 11, 2011, a sad day. “Look at the news of the earthquake, I can’t tell my sadness.
I have dinner with kids, I talk about this earthquake, and my son said his classmate said Japan probably deserved the earthquake, who told them to go to war with our country before!
What kind of thoughts does this classmate's family put into their children’s minds?
...
These kinds of negative thoughts, in fact, make me more sad. . ."

My thought is: The parent’s thinking will influence their kids. This is education too.

我認為: 父母的思想將影響孩子。這也是教學。

“This is one of the reasons why I hesitate to donate (referring to Japan’s nuclear plant secret).”

翻譯: “就是这其中的原因我不愿捐款。（因关于日本核電廠背後的秘密）”

My thought is: Governments are political, but people are innocent.

I joined the Tzu Chi team here to do street fundraising this weekend.

我認為: 政府都是搞政治。我關心的是人民很無辜。

這週末我與這兒的慈濟團體去募款。

布施有三個要件，即施者、受者與施物，此稱為「三輪」。若布施之時，能了悟此三者皆悉本空，摧破執著之相，稱為「三輪體空」。

Guidance is important

We often receive coupons from companies, like $0.25 - $5 for grocery shopping. I save and use these coupons if I need those things.
We were in a grocery store and I looked at my coupon and I found that brand of bread. The original price is $2.79, and it was on sale for $1.99. I had a coupon for $0.35, and this store offers ‘Double Coupon’ for $0.40 and below. So, I just needed to pay $1.29 for that bread. (Steve doesn’t like this kind of shopping, he likes 10 minutes shopping, get what he needs and get out. He always shows his tired face when I shop too long. That makes me feel guilty and mad sometimes.) At that moment, a young lady with a cart and three boys around 5-8 years old came to look at the bread. One of the boys pointed to the bread and said, “I want this.” The lady said, “This one is not on sale, we can wait.” She took the one which was on sale. The kid was listening and seemed to understand her, happy and no argument at all.
When we walked away, I said to Steve, “So wonderful, that lady is teaching the kids.” Steve said, “Yeah, nobody taught me that.” This is not a good reason, but an adult’s guidance is important and influential to a kid when growing up.

I grew up to spend money carefully since my dad worked hard for living. However, I do not hesitate to spend for necessary things, or donate money, or volunteer when I can.

在我小时成长会用钱开始，我都很精心花费，因为我的父亲赚钱维持家辛苦。可是，在我能力允许内，我不会不舍得花费所需或捐款或义务帮助。

我们常会收到购物折扣$0.25至$5不等的各商家货品卷，我是会节俭，若又是我要买的必需品，用折扣卷就可省了一些花费。

我们在超级市店，我看着折扣卷找那商家品牌的面包，原价$2.79刚好又on sale $1.99，折扣卷$0.35而这超级市店又给$0.40或以下的折扣卷可双倍(double coupon)，所以我买这面包只付$1.29。(Steve购物只看合意及价钱合理就可，速买速走。他常不大喜欢陪我购物若我太久，有时令我沮喪生气。) 这时，有位少妇推着购物车，跟着三个小男孩5-8岁之间，来看着各类面包，其中一小孩指说他要那面包，少妇回应他，“这沒有on sale，我们可以等。” 少妇拿了別的面包。小孩很听话，似乎很理会，沒有一丝不高兴。

走开后，我对Steve说，“那少妇对小孩的教导，真棒。” Steve说，“沒人教我这样。” 这不算很好的理由，但从小成长，大人给的教导却实很重要及影响。不过还好，他是节制的人。

My Grief Rights

My Grief Rights

By Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.

I have the right to my own unique feelings about the death. I may feel mad, sad, or lonely. I may feel scared or relieved. I may feel numb or sometimes not anything at all. No one will feel exactly like I do.

I have the right to talk about my grief whenever I feel like talking. When I need to talk, I will find someone who will listen to me and love me. When I don’t want to talk about it, that’s OK too.

I have the right to show my feelings of grief in my own way. When they are hurting, some kids like to play so they’ll feel better for awhile. I can play and laugh, too. I might also get mad and scream. This does not mean I am bad, it just means that I have scary feelings that I need help with.

I have the right to need other people to help me with my grief, especially grownups who care about me. Mostly I need them to pay attention to what I am feeling and saying and to love me no matter what.

I have the right to get upset about normal, everyday problems. I might feel grumpy and have trouble getting along with others.

I have the right to have "griefbursts". Grief bursts are sudden, unexpected feelings of sadness that just hit me sometimes- even long after the death. These feelings can be very strong and even scary. When this happens, I might feel afraid to be alone.

I have the right to use my beliefs about my god to help me deal with my feelings of grief. Praying might make me feel better and somehow closer to the person who has died.

I have the right to try to figure out why the person I loved died. But it’s OK if I don’t find an answer. "Why" questions about life and death are the hardest questions in the world.

I have the right to think and talk about my memories of the person who died. Sometimes those memories will be happy and sometimes they might be sad. Either way, these memories help me keep alive my love for the person who died.

I have the right to move toward and feel my grief and, over time, to heal. I’ll go on to live a happy life, but the life and death of the person who died will always be a part of me. I’ll always miss them.

From The Centre for Loss and Life Transition

《我有悲傷的權利》

1. 我可以有自己獨特的失落感。我可以生氣、傷心或感到寂寞；可以有害怕或解脫的感覺；我也可以感覺麻木，或有時甚至沒有任何感覺。

2. 我可以隨時自由地表達悲傷的感受。當我想要聊聊時，可以去找願意傾聽我並愛我的人。當我不想談這件事時，也是可以被接受的。

3. 我可以用自己的方式表達悲傷。有些孩子在悲傷時，他們會想要從玩樂中讓自己覺得好過些，我也可以試著去玩玩或大笑一場。也可以生氣或叫喊，這並不表示我很差勁，這只是說我有害怕的感覺，需要幫助。

4. 我可以請求協助。大多數時候我需要人們的關注，關心我的感覺和所說的話，並且無論如何他們都會愛我。

5. 我可以對生活瑣事感到厭煩。我有時可能覺得自己脾氣很壞，難以與人相處。

6. 我可以有突發的情緒。突發的情緒是因為悲傷的感覺有時會突然來襲－－ 即使在失落事件發生很久以後。這種感覺可能會很強烈甚或令人害怕。當有這種情形時，我也許會害怕獨處。

7. 我可以藉助信仰處理悲傷。禱告或念經可以使我覺得較平靜，而且似乎覺得離逝去的人較近些。

8. 我可以探尋失落事件帶給我的疑惑。但是如果沒有答案也沒關係。關於生死的問題是世界上最難回答的問題，何況這世界上有很多問題都難以解答。

9. 我可以想或說出我懷念的人或事。有時回憶是甜蜜的，但有時回憶卻令人痛苦。不管哪一種滋味，這些回憶都可以讓我對逝去的人或事保留一份真誠的愛。

10. 我可以在療癒歷程帶著悲傷成長。我將會有一個愉快的未來，但失落的人或事都是我生命的一部份，我永遠都懷念他們。

【本文摘自國立台北護理學院/生死教育與輔導研究所】

Educate and Prepare

Yesterday, I went for a mammogram. The staff lady talked to me while doing the process.
“Where are you from?”
“My country?”
“Yeah.”
“Malaysia.”
“I thought Japan.”
“Oh.. people are afraid of the nuclear reactor effects.”
“A small country can create big problem.”
I am quiet.
“Do you know what I mean?” She asked.
“Ah, hurt.”
I mean the mammogram equipment made me hurt when pressing on it.

Do you know what she means?
I don’t care.
This was a disaster, and we all are on the earth.


Last year, I visited Japan for the first time. The cleanliness of Japan enhanced its beauty and comfort. No one can beat it. It is rare to find rubbish on the ground, and you also do not see many trash bins around. One day, when Steve and I were waiting for the subway train, a man behind me spoke Japanese to me, and he pointed to a white handkerchief on the ground. I shook my head. He picked it up. After we went on the train, I observed him and saw he sat with the handkerchief on his lap.
When we watched the news, I am amazed by Japanese discipline during this disaster. I think the Japanese people are the best prepared for disasters in the world.


昨天我去做乳腺Ｘ光檢查，女職員替我做的當兒與我談話。
“你從那兒來？”
“我的國家？”
“是。”
“馬來西亞。”
“我以為日本。”
“哦，人們都害怕核電爆炸輻射禍患。”
“一個小國能制造大問題。”
我沒說話。
“你知道我的意思嗎？” 她問。
“啊，很痛。”
我的意思是Ｘ光儀器壓著我的...痛。
你知道她的意思嗎？
我才不理。
這是災禍，我們都是在地球上。


去年第一次去日本，印象最美舒服的是日本的清潔，真是沒得比，很難得見到地上有垃圾，但又不是到處有垃圾桶。有一次在等地鐵，身後一男士對我說日語，他指着地上的白手帕。我搖頭，他拾起来拿著，就這樣進入地鐵，我觀察望向他坐着，他把手帕放在大腿上。

當看到新聞，我想日本人是最有意識為災難危機做準備的，面臨慌亂還是守序。真佩服他們'居危思安'。

Pray

Before 3/11, I hoped Steve’s business trip to Japan on 4/8 is on, so that I will go there to meet him to visit some places near Tokyo. After 3/11, I hope Steve’s trip to be postponed until several months later.



3月11日前，我多希望Steve到日本公干的4月8日成行，我就可与他会合一起去东京各地旅游。3月11日后，我希望Steve的行程延迟至数月后。



Pray for those people having hard time in this disaster.
为在灾祸受难者祈祷。

義工中心結情

照片攝於13.4.97

96年我加入檀香愛心線（已改稱檀香福利中心）輔導義工的培訓，那時參加者約50、60位（我已不記得，人數可能有錯）。一年後的課程，97年4月被錄取的只17、18位。課程的期間，我是曾被淘汰，不過我向主任要求給我機會。感恩她接納。

生命中有變數，一年後就開始有人為未來做選擇，有人去美國、有人出家、有人工作又讀取更高學位、有人從打工轉做自己的生意、有人忙工作又結婚了。

攝於28.12.2005

一星期至少三小時的服務，及兩至十小時不等的各種受訓課、團體督導、開會、培訓新生、督導新義工。。。

一晃，2007年5月我離開到美國時，與我同期的只剩下3、4位。我辭去工作，沒有一絲不捨，反而慶幸終於脫離，但離開義工中心，我有絲絲不捨。

今天，想起在那認識，比我早期及晚期的你們（有些我沒他們的照片）。祝福你們。

攝於17.5.2007