The poem

I told you in my previous post I remembered a poem after I watched Groundhog Day. In fact, I remembered this poem was told by a monk or teacher in a Buddhist class. It was more than 10 years ago from a talk by this monk. I never read the original poem until now, but I still remember some of the meaning. I talked to Steve about this poem, it sounded familiar to him too. So, he helped me find it on the web. It is by Portia Nelson:

Chapter 1

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit … but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter 5

I walk down another street.

30.6.07 1.43pm阴

Please help...

如果你有看我的blog，及去到商業網頁... 哈哈…这样你们就会帮我賺到＇稿费＇了。我想以我現有的几篇文章及不多的读者，不至于夢想天开出書﹔我也没什么资歷能让那一家報社看上我的文章。而我在美国又还没有得到任何准证，無法工作賺钱。

...所以我就得劳煩你们这些贵人了…tolong tolong lah…

If you are reading my blog, and visit to the commercial links from here... haha…then you will help me to earn some ‘writing fee’. I think since I just have a few articles I don’t have many readers at the moment. I don’t dare to dream about publishing a book, as I do not have much qualification with writing articles to attract press. And I still don’t have the permit to work to earn money in the US.

... So, all of can help me! I need you…please help, please help…

28.6.07 11.44am 阴

Fruits

每当我到外国旅遊时，我很高兴能見到水果檔，看看他们当地的水果。我很喜欢水果，我也不知道是什么原因？即使不买，不过看看水果，我也会感觉很好！

所以在美国，第一次到grocery store去shopping，最先吸引我的，就是靠近门口的水果部门。我想这里有一些新鲜的水果，在马来西亞是买不到的！我每天早晨空腹都会先吃水果，这就是我的水果餐。 有raspberry, cherry和apricot.

我问Steve这些水果有季節的嗎？他回答说﹕”我從来没买过水果，我不是很清楚。” 一个对水果没兴趣的人，也难怪他迎娶我时，被伴娘问他，新娘最喜欢吃的是什么？他竞然想不出答案，最终还是新娘的朋友 – 伴郎告诉他答案﹕榴槤！

我在Penang臨走时，刚好是榴槤節开始不久，所以每天都买榴槤吃。要走的前晚，也还是买了榴槤。哈哈！你看…凌晨在家要去机场前，我先享受榴槤餐！

When I was traveling overseas somewhere, I was always happy to find a fruit stall. I love seeing the local fruits. Why do I love fruits so much? Even though I didn’t buy any, I still felt happy just to look at them!

So, the first things that attracted me are the fruits near the entrance in the grocery store while shopping in the US. I think you can’t find some of the fresh fruit from here in Malaysia! I always have some fruit every morning before eating anything else. This is my fruits meal. In the picture are raspberries, cherries and an apricot.

I asked Steve, can we get these kinds of fruits only in some seasons? He replied: “I’m not sure, I never buy fruit.” He is not interested in fruits; that’s why on our wedding day, the maid of honor asked him what my favorite food is. He couldn’t think of the answer, but his best man (my friend) told him the answer: Durian!

It was the beginning of durian season in Penang before I came here. So, I had durian everyday until the last night there. Haha! You see…I enjoyed my durian in the house before we went to the airport early that morning!

27.6.07 1.08pm晴热

Good movie

我们最近买了几片DVD电影，有些是上纲买的﹔有些可在店內买到。上星期看了Groundhog Day和The Story of the Weeping Camel，这两部是朋友介绍的好电影。

Groundhog Day的其中一幕，让我想起某人写的一首诗。如果我没记錯，这首诗的大义是﹕有一天，我走在一条街上，我没注意到脚下有一个洞，我跌下这个洞，我爬起来，继续走我的路。第二天，我同样走在这条街上，我不小心又跌下这个洞，我无奈的爬起来，继续走我的路。第三天，我同样走在这条街上，我看到这个洞，但我还是跌下这个洞，我只好爬起来，继续走我的路。就这样至到有一天，我又同样走在这条街上，我看到了这个洞，我绕过这个洞走过这条路…

这部电影的其中一句对白，也是让人沉思的﹕如果你每天都相同处在一种情境，那你会怎么办？

The Story of the Weeping Camel是一部关于蒙古養牧一族的纯真写实，不管是人或者动物，都有原本的真性情。难产的駱駝，藉尤音乐调愈創伤的經歷…

这星期看了The Five People You Meet in Heaven，是我要介绍给你的 – 很好的电影。

The Five People You Meet in Heaven让我感动的流了很多的淚。内容是一个男主角朦朦懂懂过了一生，到了天堂見到了他在世时遇过的五位人物。他在世时，他並不晓得这些人，在他的人生中，原来是要给他有所学习的… 他的人生课题﹕命是不平等的、牺牲、宽恕、爱、小职务的意义…

We bought some DVDs recently; a few purchased from internet and a few purchased in stores. We watched Groundhog Day and The Story of the Weeping Camel last week; these two good movies were recommended by friends. One of the scenes in Groundhog Day reminded me a poem by someone.

And one of the conversations from this movie leaves you thinking: What would you do if you were stuck one place and everyday were exactly the same and nothing that you did mattered?

The Story of the Weeping Camel shows the life of a Mongolian family graphically and openly. Either human or animal also has their own emotions; the camel was healed by music after it was hurt by a hard delivery of a calf.

We also watched The Five People You Meet in Heaven this week. This is a very good movie which I want to recommend to you.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven touched me deeply and the tears were flowing. It is about a man who passes through his life without awareness. After dying, he came to heaven and meets five people who have been in his life. When he was alive, he didn’t realize those people were in his life to teach him lessons about life… His life lessons: life is not always fair, sacrifice, forgiveness, love, the meaning of task…

26.6.07 11.32am晴热

Shrimp cracker & chapati

Steve很喜欢吃他做的goop (party mix snack)，我虽然也有吃一些，但我认为太咸，他却说不会。我常认为这里的食物、飲料都很甜或者食物很咸… 原来美国人跟马来人一样，喜欢甜甜的、咸咸的…

还好我也可以做马来西亞的snack – 炸蝦餅。这蝦餅是我二嫂做的，她给我一大包的干蝦餅帶来美国。当我在炸蝦餅时，Steve看着蝦餅在油鍋炸开，觉得这个snack很酷…对他来说，这是非常新奇的。炸好后，我给他吃一小块…他得趕快吃很多的東西来把他认为很臭的蝦味蓋去…哈哈…他是不吃海鲜的…

Steve在马来西亞吃过roti canai、chapati后，就很喜欢这类的食物，因为有他喜欢的配料 – 辣curry。昨天他就从这本cookbook，学做chapati…他说﹕”那些Indian到底是怎么翻打roti的…” 我们的晚餐就是chapati，我的是有煎蛋的…他的是要塗牛油及cinnamon 和细糖。

Steve loves the goop (party mix snack) very much. I could eat some but I thought it was too salty, even though he never thought so. I can’t eat foods here that are too sweet or salty… the Americans are the same as Malays: they love sweet and salty foods…

Luckily I also could make a Malaysian snack – fried shrimp crackers. These shrimp cakes were made by my sister-in-law, and she gave me a big package of them to bring to the US. When I was frying the shrimp cakes, Steve was interested to see them become shrimp crackers…the snack is so cool. I gave him a little piece of them after fried…he needed to eat some other things to get rid of the shrimp taste, which he thought bad…haha…he doesn’t like seafood…

Steve had roti canai and chapati while in Malaysia and he loves them very much, because they are served with sauce which he loves – spicy curry. Yesterday, he tried to learn to make chapatti from a cookbook. He said, ”how does the Indian guy make and turn a 'roti'…” Our dinner was the chapatti, which I had with fried egg…he had them with butter and cinnamon sugar.

25.6.07 1.59pm 云

Pray

Six years ago, I attended a course regarding about Neuro-activation. I started listening to the CD from that course’s teacher every morning until today – Neuro-Activator. After I wake up and clean up, I pray and meditate for a little while. After that I lie down and listen to this CD. It is 25 minutes with positive content. The last sentence in the CD is, “this is the beginning of a new day!” I always edit it and talk to myself: This is the beginning of a great day!

I am still impressed by a part of his teaching. The meaning is about how our unconscious mind doesn’t care about the context of some words, like: not, cannot, don’t, wouldn’t, shouldn’t or never. Example, if you send messages to your unconscious mind or a blessing to others, don’t say, “…don’t worry”, “…wish no suffering”, “…wish don’t have pressure.” Don’t use negative words, because the unconscious mind isn’t able to differentiate; the listener would receive only the negative words. That will make you more negative. I remember from a few years ago, I saw or listened to an ad about a fat reduction center. Perhaps it made people become fatter! These centers couldn’t survive anymore…haha…nowadays I just hear about body slimming centers… What effective words! So, please remember to say positive words…

Wishing you happiness, wishing you peace!

23.6.07 4.59pm

Legally married

我和Steve在Penang举行华人风俗结婚，算一算也有五个月了，昨天起才终于算是合法的夫妻，佛光山temple的师父为我们的结婚证书人。

在Missouri申请结婚证书是双方必须到有关marriage license的部门向执行者填写个人身份资料，双方向执行者签名及宣誓资料正确﹔付费约49美元。三天之后，任何一人再去该部门领取结婚签证书。结婚签证书必须在marriage license申请日的30天内由牧师或法师或公庭法官签证，及两位见证人签名，然后邮寄此结婚签证书寄去有关执行部。

Steve己于今年初改信仰，皈依佛教，所以我们没有去church举行 I DO…的仪式… Steve原本欲在佛光山temple举行结婚签证仪式，邀请亲友参加。这么巧佛光山temple将搬换会所，旧的会所某处天花垮塌，而新会所在装修。师父在近期又会出外。我们知道这样的情况之后，只好先给师父签证及找temple内两位见证人签名。啊..好笑的是..其中一位见证人是我们不认识的！我们急于想得到合法结婚是因为Steve很担心我在这里居留还没有医药保险，而且我一进美国，我的Fiancee visa只有90天而己。有结婚证书，接下来我才能加入Steve的health insurance及申请其它的证件，如PR card, Social security card, bank account, driving license等。

噢…我的证件上的名字将是Lee Kean Ellebracht吗？Steve的姓是Ellebracht，家族姓是德国人。

It has been five months since Steve and I had our Chinese wedding ceremony in Penang, but we just got legally married yesterday in the US. The person who certified our marriage was a nun at the Fo Guang Shan temple.

To apply for a marriage license in Missouri, both of you need to go to the department of marriage licenses, then fill in the forms, sign, swear and pay the fee around US$49. One of you goes to this department to collect the marriage license after 3 days. The marriage license needs to be signed by an official (priest, monk/nun, judge, etc.), and two witnesses within 30 days. After that, this marriage certificate is returned to the authority.

Steve already converted to Buddhist since the early January, so we didn’t have an “I DO…” ceremony in a church… Steve thought to invite relatives and friends to attend our marriage ceremony in the Fo Guang Shan temple, but Fo Guang Shan temple will be moving to a new location for the time being. The ceiling at the old location broke and the new location hasn’t completed renovation. The nun will be out of town soon. So, we had no choice but to invite the nun to certify and two volunteers in the temple were witnesses. Ah...it was too funny…we didn’t recognize one of the witnesses! Steve needs the marriage certificate urgently because he is worrying about me without health insurance here, and my Fiancee visa is only valid for 90 days after I entered the US. We needed to have the marriage certificate so that I could join in his health insurance plan and other stuff, like getting my PR card, social security card, bank account, etc.

Oh…will my name on the card is Lee Kean Ellebracht? Steve’s family name is Ellebracht, which is a German name.

20.6.07 2.10pm云热

Steve said.....

昨天我听到车房开门声，知道是Steve下班回来了。我到门口迎接他，他手里拿着一束花递向我说﹕"它们告诉我要跟我回家！"

傍晚时分，Steve开始做sausage cheese ball了。什么是sausage cheese ball呢？嗯…总之就是用sausage和cheese做的啦… 烤好后，我们就把它当晚餐… 如果你喜欢吃sausage又喜欢吃cheese的话，可以请你吃…哈哈！不用怕，没有任何代价。

Steve看到我的华文blog，好奇的问为什么会参一些其它语文，如ice cream, exploring, nasi lemak... 我说﹕哈哈！这就是马来西亚的＇特色＇..

他很困挠，就是他学会华语，我想他也听不懂我和Penang朋友的谈话。

当我开始想要将我的blog都有华、英双文，也可让不谙华文者阅读。但是总觉得我的英文很不好意思公开，就想要Steve修饰我所写的英文语法。我对他说﹕"我的英文不好.." 他回应说﹕"我多希望我的华文应用能像你的英文应用.."

我开始认识Steve时很担心、紧张，最主要原因是我觉得我的英语不好，所以不时对他说我的英语不好，但他却不认为，他的回应总是﹕"我希望我学好我的华语...."

朋友，如果你的英文不好，不要害羞！就敢敢乱乱说..应用多的话反而会进步..

Yesterday, I heard the sound of the garage door opening. I knew Steve was home. I went to greet him at door. He handed me a bunch of flowers, “the flowers told me they wanted to come home with me!”

Steve made sausage cheese balls that evening. What are sausage cheese balls? Em…that means they were made with sausage and cheese… After baked, we had them for dinner… We may treat you to them if you like to eat sausage and also cheese…haha! Don’t worry, you don’t need to pay.

Steve was curious when he read my Chinese blog, and asked me why they mixed with others language like ice cream, exploring, nasi lemak... I replied: Haha! This is a ‘characteristic’ of Malaysia..

He was confused. I think even if he learns to speak Chinese, he wouldn’t understand my conversation with Penang friends.

I wanted to write my blog in Chinese and English for those who couldn’t understand Chinese, but I thought my English is still not good enough to publish. So, I wanted Steve to edit my English grammar. I said to him, “my English is not good ...” But his response, “I hope someday my Chinese is as good as your English…”

I felt worried and nervous when I found out Steve is a westerner, mainly because I always thought my English was not good. I always told him my English is not good, but he didn’t think so. He always responded, “I hope I can learn more Chinese…”

So friends, if you think your English is not good, don’t be shy! It will improve faster if you dare to use it and talk frequently…

19.6.07 3.15pm 晴热

Curry chicken & Nasi lemak....

我的天！怎么Penang的咖哩鸡会是这么好吃！噢…不是我们在这里找到马耒西亚餐馆，是我们煮的咖哩鸡！我的乾妈在我临走时，她在菜市场买给我的一小盒咖哩酱，它是已配好所有调料及煮炒过的咖哩酱，我一到美国家里时，就将它放进冷冻。我们前天买了鸡及番薯，这个周末没出去，我们两天的午餐就是nasi lemak及咖哩鸡。原因是第一个午餐两点多才吃，剩的份量还多就放进冰厨隔天又煮热吃。我没有煮过nasi lemak也没有煮过咖哩鸡，Steve当然是不会煮，所以说我们是煮得有点手忙脚乱啦…nasi lemak的水和椰酱太多了…所以真的很lemak！哈哈…不过还是一边吃一边赞咖哩鸡好吃！如在Penang，这种煮法的咖哩鸡是最简便的，不过是我第一次煮嘛...所以有一点点的成就感。吃完饭才想到要拍照。饭后是几天前做的snack (goop) 。

餐后我蹲下抹厨房的地板，在我双膝双手著地…抹着，Steve手中拿着snack递到我咀里。当我在咬的时侯，我恼中闪过一幕…Steve的妈妈手递snack给她宠爱的小狗… 噢不！我好笑的对Steve说，我这样的动作很像Mitzi (Steve妈妈的狗)。Steve赶快说sorry，他没有这个意思。我当然明白啦，你有看过狗会抹地的吗？

这个周末，做做停停﹔停停做做的收拾请理电脑文件室。Steve说这一间是最花时间收拾请理的，我还没来之前，桌子上都是堆积如山的，而且进出是要挎脚过一推文件…

Oh my god! How delicious this curry chicken was! Oh…it wasn’t from Malaysian restaurant here; it was cooked by us! My godmother bought one small box of curry paste in the wet market for me to bring to the US. I froze the curry paste. It was mixed with some spices and already well cooked. Yesterday, we bought chicken and a potato; we cooked the curry since we weren’t planning to go out this weekend. The coconut milk rice and curry chicken were enough for two lunches, because we ate the first lunch late, after 2pm. There was still much left in the fridge, so we warmed it for next lunch the next day. I never cooked the coconut milk rice and curry chicken before that, and neither had Steve. It was a little messed up…the coconut milk rice had too much water and coconut milk…it was really milky! Haha…but we still felt it was delicious, and the curry chicken tasted very good! If in Penang, this is just simple cooking of curry chicken, but this was the first time for us…so we felt satisfied. I remembered to take the photos when we’d almost finished our meal. After the meal, we had a snack (goop), which lasted a few days.

I was mopping the floor in kitchen area, and Steve handed a snack to me while I was down on my hands and knees. When I was eating, I suddenly remembered…Steve’s mom handed a snack to her love, the little dog the same way…oh no! I felt funny and talked to Steve that the actions looked the same as Mitzi (Steve’s mom’s dog). Steve said sorry, he didn’t mean it like that. Of course, I understood. Did you ever see a dog that knows how to mop?

This weekend, we were cleaning, then we stopped, and then we continued again cleaning the desk & computer room. Steve said he spent a lot of time cleaning this room before I arrived. He had to walk over a pile of stuff at the door area…

18.6.07 12.26pm 云

$$$$$

哗哗！想不到还有不少朋友回应说我写的生活故事很interesting，很享受阅读。哈哈…有你们这些fans，写blog就更有满足感了… 我很兴奋到昨晚做了很多梦不能睡觉，凌晨三点就醒了！脑子一直想着很多故事要写进blog里。你们建议我写书? 嗯…真的吗？那我就暂时停止…等我写成书后，销售赚钱…$$$$$ 哈哈…是美金的！我好像是做白日梦！

住在这里要接近四个星期了，前两个星期我们去购物时，我都不大买得下手…原因是我很自然会想到这是美金价，当脑子开始计算马币汇率时…哗! 这条玉蜀这么贵啊？哗！这粒苹果也不便宜…

有一个住在美国的朋友(也是Penang人)email我一些在美国的情况，她说美国的生活比马来西亚好，东西也便宜，我奇怪的email问她，当美金价计算马币汇率时，我认为这里的东西有些贵。请问什么东西便宜呢？她回复告诉我﹕”MANA BOLEH！要居住在美国，第一规条就是不可以计算成马币。” 真是令我当头棒喝！

的确，我们昨天买了两件名牌电器﹕coffee maker及toaster oven。一件$20.99﹔一件$26.99。便宜吗？如果一般的工作月薪是2000，相同数字的月薪，而是生活在马来西亚，但种种东西的数字价格都比美国的数字价格高。花费的数字一定是比美国的花费数字較高，所以你会觉得还是很值得了。嘿！朋友…赶快来美国工作生活吧！比kancil大辆的汽车才20,000多，独立式的洋房才150,000多…

当然，我回Penang时，一定会大买大吃…哈哈…这么便宜！不过等Steve退休后，拿着美国钞才去住马来西亚吧………是不是如意算盘？

Wow wow! I didn’t expect some friends’ feedback that they are enjoying reading my life story. They said it is interesting. Haha…I feel more satisfied writing the blog knowing that I have these fans… I was too excited and couldn’t sleep well last night and woke up very early, around 3am! My mind was filled with many stories, which I thought to write in my blog. Friends, you suggested I write a book? Em…really? So, I should stop now…I will sell and earn money after I have written my book…$$$$$ haha…they are US dollars! Sounds like I am dreaming now!

I have been here around 4 weeks and when we went shopping in the first 2 week, I didn’t buy much…because my mind always reminded me these prices are in US$. When my mind converted the price to Ringgit Malaysia’s rate…wow! One ear of corn is so expensive? Wow! One apple is not cheap too….

One of my friends, who is also in the US (she is originally from Penang) emailed me something about living in the US. She said life in the US is better than Malaysia and the prices of many things are cheap. I was curious and emailed to her that I thought many things are expensive if converted to Malaysia Ringgit from US$ and asked her what things she thought are cheap? She replied me...“how could it be! The 1st rule in America is: never make any conversion.” It really woke me up!

It’s true. We just bought two appliances yesterday: a coffee maker and a toaster oven. One is $20.99; the other is $26.99. Are they cheap? Let’s say a normal monthly salary is ‘2000’ (dollars in the US, but Ringgit in Malaysia.) If living in Malaysia, most of the price figures are higher than in the US, so the expenses take a higher percentage of the monthly salary. Then you will think that the US price is good. Hey…come to live in the US, come on! A car bigger than ‘kancil’ is just about 20,000, a house with a yard is about 150,000…

Of course, if I go back to Penang…I will buy and eat as much as I can…haha…so cheap! Maybe when Steve is retired, we will bring the US dollars and move to Malaysia………is it good idea?

15.6.07 9.30am晴热

Miss Penang food

回想起我顺利获得Fiancee Visa，在申请的过程，我很感谢一个人 – Ting。她是我在去年十月份在美国移民厅认识的。那时我很老实的去申请旅游visa，欲在未嫁前先到美国见见未婚夫及他的家人、而Ting是去为她的Fiancee Visa做final interview。当然那次我失败了，理由是怕我去美国后就不回国。那时候很伤心的在途中的的士内哭了….我怀疑老实也错吗…？幸亏在等候interview时，Ting与我交谈，互相写下各自的email地址给对方。过后我常email联络她，询问申请Fiancee Visa的细节，所以Ting是我生命的其中一个贵人！

我到美国后又email她，再次感谢她及她的美国洋丈夫。他们现居Texas，可惜离开Missouri州远，不然早就去拜访他们了。你知道吗？我还有一个目的，他们住的地区竞然有马耒西亚餐馆。

昨天与Ting用Skype聊天，她告诉我她又找到另一间离他们家约五分钟车程的马耒西亚餐馆，而且厨师是Penang人，有提供很多Penang食物，如asam laksa, prawn mee, curry fish head, curry chicken, ice kacang, cendol等。哗……她挑起我想吃Penang food的欲望….。她将去这间餐馆工作，我多么羡慕她可以常吃Malaysian food… 聊后不久Steve回来了，我很高兴的将此事与他分享。

他开始做Chex party mix又叫做goop，是由几种不同的snack参杂及放几种的调味料，然后放进烘炉。他一边做我一边问他几次﹕晚餐要吃什么？他的回答总是﹕不知道。我很集中在做goop，做好后可能就吃这些snack。接近晚餐时间了，我开始饿了，希望可以一起吃点东西，但是我不知道Steve要吃什么。我有些不高兴，闷闷的去拿冰冻小包放进微波炉弄热。我吃我的小包，他就拿冰厨内的冷肉片，坐在餐桌与我一起吃，但各自吃着自己的食物….啊…这也是我们的不同处。不知不觉各种情绪又浮现出来了，加上Penang food的思念，我闷闷不乐不想与Steve谈话。他很无趣的去meditation，过后把洗碗机洗好后的盘具收进橱内，之后也不来与我谈话。这样使我感觉如被冷落，所以情绪又一起出来，我哭了。他赶快过来问我发生什么事，他以为做错什么令我伤心及以为我不想谈活要独处。我看到他眼眶也有泪水，知道我也弄他伤心了，就向他解释我的情绪。想不到这个过程让我们的感情再提升，我们感觉很好的入睡了….

哈哈….今早Steve又撒娇了….

When I think back about getting my Fiancee Visa, I appreciate the help of one particular person – Ting, who gave me a lot of advice during the visa application process. I met her at the US embassy last October when I applied for a tourist visa before I got married. The purpose was to visit my fiancé and his family in the US. Ting was there for her final interview for a Fiancee Visa. Of course, I failed that time because they thought I might not go back to Malaysia if I have a US visa. I cried in the taxi on the way back…I couldn’t believe they doubted my honesty…? Luckily, Ting talked to me and we exchanged email addresses while waiting for the visa interviews. I emailed her asking about the details of the Fiancee visa process. Ting is one of the helpful people in my life.

After I arrived in the US, I emailed to thank her and her American husband again. We want to visit them but they are living in Texas, which is a little far from Missouri. Do you know? I have another motive to visit them; they have a Malaysian restaurant in their area.

Yesterday, I talked to Ting by Skype, she said that she found another Malaysian restaurant just about 5 minutes drive from their house. The chef is from Penang and they provide a few Penang foods, like asam laksa, prawn mee, curry fish head, curry chicken, ice kacang, cendol and etc. Wow….she made me homesick for Penang food….. She will work in this restaurant and I envy that she often has Malaysian food…. Steve got back later and I shared with him my conversation with Ting.

He was making Chex party mix, also called ‘goop’; it is a mixture of a few different snacks with some sauce and spices. After that he put it in the oven. I kept asking him while he was making it, “what you want for dinner?” He answers always, “I don’t know. I am concentrating on making the goop. I might just have this snack.” It was dinner time and I felt hungry and wanted to eat something together, but I still didn’t know what Steve would like to eat. I felt a little unhappy and took out some little buns from the fridge to microwave. I ate my little buns; he took out salami from fridge and sat to eat together with me. But we ate different foods….ah….this is another of our differences. My emotions came again without my awareness, included missing Penang food. I felt unhappy and in no mood to talk with Steve. He was clueless and went to do meditation. After he meditated, he unloaded the dishes from the dish washer. He didn’t come to talk to me after that. That made me feel I had been ignored. My emotions came up and I was crying. He came to ask me what happened; he thought he did something wrong and he thought I wanted to be alone. I explained my feelings to him after I knew I made him sad too. The process increased the love between us, which I didn’t expect. We felt warm and went to bed……..

Haha…this morning, Steve said again, “I don’t want to go to work…”

14.6.07 12.22pm 晴热

A part of......

原生家庭的规则确实会影响我们，从那儿的规则带到另一个新的婚姻家庭里。我第二天住进这个家时，我就要Steve进门时，就要脱鞋放在门口，他开始几天忘记这种习惯，都是穿鞋走进屋子….哈哈.... 现在都很遵守了。嗯.... 不知道为什么我就是要改他原本的规则？

昨天已把buddha enlightenment wall decor吊上靠近小高桌的啬辟。这是大客厅的照片，没有设座椅…Steve说要增设家具才像客厅。这是小客厅的照片，而这里就有沙发、电视机。这是小食厅的照片，Steve时常送我花，如果我没有选择要什么花，他通常都是选深红的玫瑰给我。昨天当他要伸手去拿一束红玫瑰时，我拉他去拿这束daisy…我很喜欢花，还好Steve有浪漫的一面。

女人会撒娇…原来男人也会撒娇。今天早上Steve又不情愿去上班了….跟我说bye bye之后又翻身回来说:" 我不要去工作。我要和你在一起。你和我一起去工作。"

朋友，教教我吧！要怎样回应男人的撒娇…

The families we grew up in affect us a lot and some of the customs from our families will be continuing to our new family. The second day I was here, I wanted Steve to take off his shoes and put them near the door when entering the house. The first few days, he forgot sometimes and just walked into the house with his shoes on…. Haha…but he made it now. Em… I don’t know why I wanted him to change his original rule?

The Buddha enlightenment wall décor is hanging up on the wall, near the little dresser. This is a photo of the living room, but it doesn’t have a sofa yet… Steve said the living room needs to have some furniture. This is a photo of the family room, it has sofa and TV. This is a photo of the small dining room. Steve often bought me flowers and red roses are his selection. Yesterday, I dragged him to the daisies while his arm reaching to red roses….. I love flowers; fortunately Steve has sense of romance.

This morning, Steve felt he didn’t want to go to work again … he said bye-bye to me, but then faced me and said, “I don’t want to go to work. I want stay home with you. Go to work with me.”

13.6.07 2.38pm晴热

Steve's family

8/6星期五Steve只须做半天工作，回来后我们就起程去Kansas City拜访Steve的妈妈。路途中常会看到大小不同款的motor homes。我终于拍到一辆大型的motor home照片，就停在我们车前，红灯处。从Steve的述说，这款应该里边的设备较豪华也较贵，外观很像巴士，后边可拖着汽车。
从St. Louis到Kansas City，车行约须三小时半，我们在途中又花时用午餐。还没抵达妈妈家，Steve就对我说，他妈妈一定会在家门外等侯。的确果然如他所说。车行靠进一住家区，就看到一个老妇女和一只小狗。
热情的拥抱相见之后，她就把我当新女儿了。进入她住家，我很欣赏她家里的整洁及摆没。 尤其是房里梳装台上的一套法国古式的摆设，小桌灯、手柄小镜子、饰物盘。很精缀，我想每个女人看到一定会很喜欢，而且会情不自禁的拿起小镜子来欣赏，哈哈...我就不只拿一次...
不久之后，Steve的姐姐Sue(是她远到Penang参加我们的结婚仪式)带着她的两个孩子一男一女到来，少男名叫Alec, 小少女名叫Elizabeth。Elizabeth很活泼，她一直表示要我去他们的家。我们聊天、品食、吃西式的家中晚餐....

隔天早上，她姐姐和两个孩子又来了，准备带我们去走走。六个人坐上大型的汽车，我们先去她姐姐家一会。一进门口，一张小图写着﹕Welcome Steve + XinYi及吊着中国式的小纸灯笼(中秋节时常看到的那种)。很温馨，应该是小孩的精心设计。接着是他们的三只狗会围绕着你，都很温驯。
过后我们就起程去City Market也是那儿的Farmer's Market，类似算是Penang的＇巴刹＇及夜市场的综合。有一景象，一个女性装扮成铜人，静止不动的在人群一处，只有当你投钱，她才如机器人般移动望向投钱者微微笑几秒。又静止不动了。
附近有一间中国城商店，有一点的Malaysia产品，如Milo, Ipoh White Coffee, Penang Laksa Powder..
约四点，Sue的丈夫从其它州飞回来， 我们一家七口在一间Mexican Restaurant用晚餐。墨西哥餐在美国很受欢迎，但目前不是我喜吹的食物... 啊...我要Penang Food....
晚上回妈妈的家，我们三人在客厅闲聊，Steve妈妈的一些话让我很感动﹕"我有淮备要去Penang参加你们的婚礼，但医生劝告不行，虽然我缺席，但我的spirit是在那儿的。你的家人喜欢Steve吗？他们有反时吗？"
这似乎是相反的想法 – 当初未嫁给Steve时，不知道他妈妈会如何看待我这个华人媳妇。真想不到她对我的接纳程度，出乎我意料之外....我想一定是前世修了很多善业吧！有福报亲近拥有快乐亲切的美国家人...

星期天早上，我们起程回去。回到家，看到还没完全收拾整理的家，开始有些压力了 – 如果他家人来拜访这个不是很整洁的家，我会很不好意思。我又开始提醒Steve，催促他一起整理.....

8/5 Friday, Steve just worked for half day. After he got back, we went to Kansas City to visit his mom. On the way, we saw many types of motor homes. Finally, I got a photo of one big motor home which stopped in front of us at a traffic light. Steve mentioned this type is well furnished and more expensive. It looks like a bus, and a car could be towed at the back.

The journey is about 3 and half hours from St. Louis to Kansas City. We spent time to have lunch on the way. Before we arrived, Steve told me his mom might be waiting for us outside. It was true, when we drove up to the condo, we saw a woman with a little dog.

We had a warm hug and she loves me as a new daughter. We got in her home and I admired her nice house with pretty decorations. I love the unique set of French style little lamp, hand mirror and jewelry holder on the dresser. If you are a lady, I bet you would love them too, and take up this hand mirror for viewing. Haha…I picked it up and look at it more than once… A couple of minutes later, Steve’s sister Sue (she attended our wedding ceremony in Penang) with her two kids; one boy, Alec, and one girl, Elizabeth. Elizabeth is very active and wanted me to visit their house. We talked, ate snacks and had dinner at home….

The next morning, his sister came again with her two kids. She planned to have outdoor activities, so the six of us got in her minivan. We stopped at his sister’s house on the way out. Inside, I saw a little drawing with the words: Welcome Steve + XinYi, and a little paper Chinese lantern (Mid-Autumn Festival often has these). I think it was prepared by the kids. I felt so warm. Then, their three dogs greeted everyone. They are very mild and friendly.

We went to City Market or Farmer’s Market in downtown Kansas City. It is similar to ‘pasar’ (wet market) + night market in Penang. In the crowd, there was a lady with who made herself up in copper color and didn’t move at all. When someone put money in her jar, then she moved slowly and gave a little smile to that person. Then she stopped moving again.

We found a Chinatown store; they had a few of Malaysia products, like Milo, Ipoh White Coffee, Penang Laksa Powder…

Sue’s husband got back home from Texas around afternoon. The 7 of us went to a Mexican Restaurant for dinner. Mexican food is quite popular in the US, but it wasn’t the food I was craving at the moment …ah…I want Penang food…

That evening, in the living room of mom’s house, the three of us were chatting. I still feel touched and impressed from the conversation with Steve’s mom, “I planned to go to Penang to attend your wedding but my doctor advised me not to do so. Even though I couldn’t attend my spirit was there with both of you. Does your family like Steve? Did they object?”

These questions were unexpected – before I married Steve, I didn’t know how his mom would treat me, a Chinese daughter-in-law. I didn’t expect her complete acceptance of me….I think I am lucky to approach a very kind and happy family in the US…

Sunday morning, we went back. When we arrived home, I felt a little pressure seeing this house which is still messy – I will feel sorry if his family visits our messy house. I reminded Steve again, I want him to do cleaning with me….

11.6.07 3.12pm 云

Chocolate Cream Pie & Kuih Kapit, US life

Steve正做着他拿手的chocolate cream pie，嗯...不是做给我吃的。明天他将带我去见他的母亲及姐姐全家。Steve通常都会带他们喜欢吃的 chocolate pie 当拜访食品。
Steve已完成做好，他说怎么他的助手帮不到一半过程就无声的走开了。哈...其实我没怎么帮他，他在做 pie 时我就替他拍照，准备寄给你们看他在大展厨艺，也是让你们看看家中的厨房一角。大件厨具有厨台、水洗盘、洗碗机、炉灶、微波炉、烘烤炉、等。
除了 chocolate pie，还有 kuih kapit 又名 love letter，是我在未来美国前，Steve和我去我的二嫂家学做的。我们带了一大珍 (奶粉tin)我们做的 kuih kapit 来美国。Steve很喜欢吃，但我控制他不可吃完，至少要留一些给他的家人嘛，带去让他们分享 Malaysia 食品，而且还是我们亲手做的呵！Steve说以后可能他们会要求 kuih kapit 做为拜访食品，那就麻烦了........
我心里似乎有一点紧张，明天第一次见他妈妈，好像丑媳妇要见家婆.....

Steve was making his famous dish – chocolate cream pie, em….but not baking for me. He thought to visit his mom and sister tomorrow and he will bring their favorite chocolate pie with him. He usually brings one when he visits them.

When Steve was done, he wondered where the assistant went half way through making the pie. Ha…in fact, I didn’t help him much. I was taking photos while he was making pie, to share with you. Also, to share photos our kitchen area. We have a kitchen counter, sink, dish washer, electric stove, microwave, oven and etc.

Besides chocolate pie, we are also taking kuih kapit, also called ‘love letter’. We learned to do it in my sister-in-law’s house and brought one big container of kuih kapit to the US. Steve loves to eat it, but I didn't let him finish it all. I at least want to save some to share this Malaysia food (made by us) with his family! Steve said we are in trouble if they request kuih kapit when we visit in the future…..

I feel a little nervous going to meet his mom for the first time, like the Chinese saying the ‘ugly daughter-in-law going to meet mother-in-law’….

心忆
7.6.07 5.40pm 晴热

2/6 星期六，我们又出去找餐馆吃午餐，我们都是新客，可以说是一起exploring亚洲餐馆及食物。这里的餐份较大量，我都是打包吃不完的食物回去，这样又可当另一餐了，哈哈...你看，是不是很划算？哈哈... 而Steve通常都吃完他的份量(除了疏菜)，啊..难怪这里的人体都那么... 噢！原来Steve在Penang或外国时吃的食量比我的少，是因为他不习惯外国的食物，现在是我吃的比他的少。
这里不管是什么店，店员都会向客人打招呼问好，非常亲切。真是很大的差别...
用餐后回来，我们又一起清理大客厅及小厅，很累啊！

星期天，我们特地提早去botanical garden走走拍了一些照片，其实目的是要去见我们的媒人 – 我的心理剧老师也是Steve的中国画老师。中国画是Botanical garden办的其中一项课，所以就在里边的一间课室。很高兴的聊了之后出来，Steve挂在肩膀上的相机却遗漏我们三人的合照。当初我和Steve的认识是从我和老师; Steve和老师的照片而开始用email交往。这是我们三人第一次在一起，怎么开心的谈到忘记了合照呢?

2/6 Saturday, we went out to find a restaurant for lunch. Both of us are new to Asian restaurants here, so we need to explore. In the US, the portion size is big and usually I couldn’t finish it all. I had to bring the rest of the food back home. It became my next meal then. Haha…you see, is it worth? Haha…but Steve always finished his meal (except vegetable). Ah…no wonder people here are so …oh! Steve’s meal was less than mine while in Penang, because he didn’t like new food much. Here, my meal is less than his.

Most of the staff in stores here are nice, they are friendly. I feel there is a big difference with Malaysia…

After we got back from the meal, we cleaned our living room, oh…so tired!

Sunday morning, we went to the botanical garden and took some photos. We went to meet our ‘match maker’, who is my psychodrama course teacher, but is Steve’s Chinese painting teacher. Chinese painting is one of the courses taught at the botanical garden. So we met her at the classroom before she started the class. After we had a nice meeting, we left and headed to parking lot. Suddenly, we realized the camera hanging on Steve’s shoulder was still there, but we didn’t have photos of the 3 of us together. Steve and I initially knew each other from photo - my photo with teacher and Steve’s photo with teacher. We started emailing after seeing each other’s photo. This was the first time the 3 of us were together and we were so happy talking. Why did we forget to take photos?

心忆
4.6.07 11.47am 云晴

When Steve got home from work, he took 2 or 3 hours in the last 2 days to clean the patio (room near the backyard), and we planted a few types of vegetables. I hope we will have a small vegetable garden soon…. Steve said his mom and sister would never believe he planted vegetables, because he doesn’t like eating vegetables (except potatoes)….

Steve 用了前两天放工回来后的两、三个小时整理屋外的空室，同时我们种了一些菜类的种子，我希望不久可以有一个小菜园... Steve 说他妈妈姐姐不可能会相信他会种疏菜的一天，因为他从不吃蔬菜...
秀英和振安各自写了一篇辅导文章，未刊登在报章而先把它寄来与我分享. 真的很高兴他们的分享，也很高兴一群的义工可以将辅导越做越广.
我想时代越来越进步，通过skype做辅导应该是适时最方便的其中一个方式，希望中心当务之急可拟定出这个程序…..

心忆
1/6/07 12.02pm云

Hi,
昨天我们去一间 import 家饰店, 我们看中一个挂在啬上的艺术品, 名称是 Buddha enlightenment wall decor, 拍下照片供图与你分享. 同时也向那间店订了一个Shanghai款小高桌 (都是 made in Indonesia) 打算供奉佛菩萨, 约一个星期后小高桌才会到. 等小桌来后再视高度把这两个物件摆设在一齐吧！嗯...我有些不习惯Steve很快就决定买下这两件我认为很贵的物件..... 之后我们去一间 RedLobster 的西餐馆晚餐, 很靠近家而己, 但 Steve 却从没去过因为他从不吃海鲜, 而我却很爱吃海鲜, 所以我们是第一次光颅, 还好也有牛、鸡扒, 我吃龙虾、长脚crab、虾, 他吃鸡扒、薯条. 正餐前有提供多粒小面包, 这间是有免费 refill, 而且不同一般的面包, 他很喜欢, 吃了很多粒. 到吃完正餐后, 他才说肚子很涨, 我第一次看到他吃这么多的食物. 而我的正餐却吃不完, 打包时也把所剩的三粒小面包装进去了.... 虽然这餐很贵不过还算值得一点.. 哈哈！

Yesterday, we went to an import furniture shop. We were attracted to a wall decoration called Buddha enlightenment. At the same time, we also ordered a little tall dresser (those are made in Indonesia) for Buddha & Bodhisattva statues. The dresser will arrive in a week and we will see the height of the dresser to hang up this wall décor. Both of them will be together. Emm… Steve made quick decision to buy these 2 things, which I thought were a little expensive. I still can’t make quick decision. After shopping, we went to Red Lobster restaurant for dinner. It is near to our house but Steve never been there because he didn’t eat seafood. I like seafood very much. So we went for the first time; at least they have beef and chicken on the menu. I ate lobster, long leg crab and shrimp, and he ate chicken and french fries. Before the main course, they served couple of little biscuits. This biscuit is different than other restaurant and free refilled. He loves this biscuit and ate many. When Steve finished the meal, he felt too full. It was the first time I saw him eat much food, but I couldn’t finish my meal. I packed it and included the rest of 3 little biscuits…..felt worth a bit though the bill is high, haha!

sinE
30/5/07 3.23pm

27/5星期天早上参加了佛光山temple的诵经会及素餐，这里的佛友很热情.
Steve很喜欢cooking，厨房用具很齐全，前几天做了三条面包，长形很硬的那种，所以这几天早餐都是面包。 昨天做了很正宗的 vanilla (from vanilla beans) ice cream，噢....非常非常的好吃，真的很想请你吃他做的ice cream！不过代价是清理屋子，哈哈.... 是的，昨天(28/5)是假日，我们没有去那里，就是在家做清理，啊...怎么我们整天只做好一间睡房... 我边做边说我很不喜欢做....

We attended the service and had lunch at Fo Guang Shan temple on 27/5 Sunday morning. The Buddhist friends are very passionate.

Steve loves cooking very much, so the kitchen is full of cooking equipment. Three days ago, he made 3 loaves of long and hard type of bread. So, my breakfast is bread these days. Yesterday, he made original vanilla flavor (from the vanilla beans) ice cream. Oh….very very nice taste, think to share with you his home made ice cream! But you need to do cleaning at our house, haha….that’s right, we didn’t go out but did house cleaning yesterday, as 28/5 was a holiday. Ah…wonder we only did our bedroom in one whole day… I talked to myself during cleaning: I hate cleaning …

sinE
29/5/07 9.11am

I am so happy receiving all of your emails, even just a few sentences.

Yesterday, Steve and I went to the botanical garden for a few hours. It is so large and very beautiful, we couldn’t even finish the whole garden. So, walking in Penang botanical garden is a small matter.

Steve and I had lunch with a couple of Chinese friends (from Taiwan but staying at the US around 24 years already) today, Steve knew them at meditation class in Fo Guang Shan Buddhist temple. They are vegetarian and very nice couple and they invited us to lunch at a Chinese restaurant. The woman also said if I am ready, I could do some work for their new library, so I wouldn’t be bored all day at home. But I can't tell yet because I think I want to settle down at home first, to make our house in comfortably before I go out to do or help something. Anyway, I appreciate the resource.

Steve and I went to the grocery store almost everyday to do some shopping since last Sunday, we brought some stuff home everyday.

sinE
26/5/07 7.58pm

真的很谢谢你们的回音及分享, 感觉很温暖！
Cai yun, 嘻嘻....可能你说得对, 我哭是在向老公撒娇吧...当时我是在他要去上班前我在他怀里哭的，他用了一些时间很呵护我, 至到我说ＯＫ他才走.... 哈哈，其实他说我未来之前已经清理收拾了很多, 睡房和厨房都很整洁.

Thanks for your feedback and sharing, I feel very warm!

CaiYun, haha….maybe you are right, the reason I cried is needed Steve’s attention… I cried when he hugged me to say good bye before go to work. He stayed and took time to take care of me until I said ok. Haha… he told me he already did cleaning many times before I came. In fact, our bedroom and kitchen are still quite neat.

心忆
25.5.07 7.30am

我们從PG到香港轉机去LA, 抵達LA是大馬時間凌晨三點左右, 我睡眼惺忪的下机后排了很長的龍進關口, 還好一切順利也沒打開我们的行李檢查.又從LA再轉机去St. Louis, 26小時后總算到家了.
我這几天都是在家因Steve去工作, 回來時就帶我去shopping. 前天哭了一陣, 因看到屋子很大有些亂, 我是很不喜歡收拾清理的懶人但又不能看東西很骯亂, 也許還有其它的情緒，如要面對新環境等一起出來, 所以就發洩了. 這里的環境很靜, 現在是春天很涼爽, 白天會有鳥,松鼠,免子來屋外的草地找東西吃. 我自己也要煮午餐, 早餐晚餐就隨便吃一些現成的東西. 啊...我現在的生活.....

We flew from Penang to Hong Kong, then transferred onto a flight to LA, USA. When we arrived in LA, it was around 3am Malaysia time. So, I still felt sleepy when going out, and there were very long lines at immigration and customs. Fortunately, customs didn't open our luggage, we saved a little time. From there we transferred onto a flight to St. Louis. Finally, we got home. I think it took around 26 hours total.

These past few days, I am staying at home while Steve is at work. We went to do shopping after he got back from work. Two days ago, I was crying because I am seeing this big messy house, and I am lazy and hate to do cleaning. But I can't stand to see it messy. Perhaps I had many emotions come out, like needing to adjust to the new environment and etc. So, they were released. The environment here is very quiet, and the spring weather is just nice at the moment. At day time, I can see birds, squirrels, rabbits finding their food in the back yard. I needed to cook lunches for myself. But mostly I will just get some available food for breakfasts or dinners. Ah… my current life ……

sinE
24.5.07

Steve and I arrived home safely around 9pm on 20/5 (Malaysia time 10am on 21/5, ahead 13 hours) last night. Haha..... I have a little difficulty adjusting to the time here though. Now is 9.12am on 21/5, Steve went out early morning to work for half day.

Hopefully all of the adjustments to my new life here will go smooth and easily.

Thanks again for your lovely gift and farewell meal. Steve and I wish you & your families happiness and all the best.

Bye bye.

with metta,
sinE